Show notes:

125. What's Possible: Overcoming Procrastination with Self-Compassion

Vanessa 00:00
Welcome to the Empowered brain, the only podcast using science, psychology and coaching to help you rewire your brain and create a life you love with your host, Dr. Vanessa Calderon, a Harvard grad physician, master coach, and mother of two.

Hey friends, welcome back to the podcast. So happy to have you here. Today I bring you the last episode in our What's possible series, where I am talking with my students celebrating their progress, and letting them serve as an example of what is truly possible for all of you. You know, hearing these examples is important because without knowing what's possible for us, we usually let past failures and other people's fears dictate our future and our potential. So far, we've talked about how the tools you'll learn inside the journey help you overcome people pleasing with Sneha imposter syndrome with Angie. And today you're gonna learn about an example of how one of my students overcame her habits of procrastination.

And I want you to notice that ultimately, what all of the students learn is how to show up more confident with intention and with authenticity. Now, the reason why our students are able to make significant and sustained changes is because the tools I teach remodel your brain at a cellular level. And what we're actually doing when we do this is reprogramming our conscious and subconscious beliefs. And we are changing your habits at a cellular level. These things make up what is your identity, and when we reprogram your identity, who you are and who you believe to be. That's how we create sustained transformation. And it's not hard. It just takes learning the simple tools that I teach and committing to practicing them. And that is what we do inside of the journey. A safe community full of teaching, compassion, and support. Alright, sweet friends enjoy the episode. All right, Yuki, I'm so happy to have you here. Hello. So let's just get started from the top. I am just why don't you just like, tell me about you first. And why are you interested in joining the journey?

02:33
Well, I am currently in my third year of a Ph.D. program in sociology. And I also work at my university as a teaching and research assistant. And what got me interested in the journey, well, there was an ad on Instagram. And it really spoke to me because it talked about everything that I was struggling with which primarily it was procrastination and just struggling with emotions and thoughts. And I was just frustrated about where I was in my life. I mean, I mean, don't get me wrong, I was really grateful to be in a Ph.D. program. And I know that that in itself was something to be proud of. But I just wasn't where I wanted to be. And I knew that a lot of that was my own doing. I struggled a lot with procrastination. And I didn't really understand why. Because when I took a close look at, you know whether or not I should even be in the program, because I thought, well, maybe this isn't for me, maybe that's maybe I need to address that. You know, I feel like I've always been really honest with myself. And I asked myself a lot of questions and tried to determine if this was something that I should just stop doing. But what I realized was that I really loved the work. So I didn't understand why I avoided it so much. I think what eventually came up for me was that it wasn't the work itself. It was how it made me feel because I'm a very deeply feeling person. Guess what some would call a highly sensitive person. And I realized that I I was very much afraid of failure. I also struggle with being a perfectionist, and I avoided this I was trying to avoid the anxiety that being a perfectionist causes doesn't feel good, you know, physically or mentally. And so those are some of the things I felt like your ad was targeting. So I attended your masterclass and again, it completely spoke to me. So that's why I enrolled in the program.

Vanessa 04:52
Yeah, it's so interesting, right? A lot of us think that procrastination is there's like a problem with us like we're weak or not working enough or we need more discipline, when really, and I know we've talked a lot about this together in our coaching inside of the program instead of the journey, when really procrastination really just is a huge emotional avoidance. And when you get down to the thick of it, you're like, holy smokes. Yeah, that's why.

05:19
Yeah, but I mean, even just discovering that was, was really reassuring for me. Because I mean, I've always loved being in school, and I didn't really want to quit. So when I realized it wasn't the work, or the discipline itself, it was just the emotions, it felt like I had somewhere to go. So that gave me some hope.

Vanessa 05:39
Yeah, that's really beautiful. And one of the things you said is that you are a highly feeling person. I think that's an incredible superpower. Because, as you've also learned, inside of the journey, our feelings drive everything that we do in the world, you know, when you're feeling excited or motivated, you're going to take specific actions that are going to create results you want in the world. And when you're feeling defeated, like an impostor, or insecure, you take actions that don't create the results you want in the world. And really, it's understanding those feelings and really becoming one with them. I think, just like befriending your emotions, which, no, we've worked on a lot together, but it's been really helpful, right?

06:18
Oh, absolutely. I think one of the biggest things that I've gotten out of the journey is even embracing those emotions that I might have, you know, characterized as negative, you know, that they're there, they're all a part of me. And just guess it's just, it's, it's, I guess it all boils down to self-compassion, and embracing all of myself, not just the traits and the feelings that feel good. But even the ones that don't feel good and understand that, you know, they exist, to send some kind of message or protect me in some way. And it's my job to, to say this, like, fear is my biggest my biggest. I would, I would have previously said negative emotion. But no fear exists to protect me, but it's up to me to say to my fear, okay, is this legitimate? Is this? Is this just a perceived threat? Is this an actual threat? Because my fear doesn't know the difference. So just having that compassion on myself and embracing what all of my feelings are trying to tell me, that's one of the biggest things I've gotten out of this program.

Vanessa 07:33
Wow, girlfriend that is so what's been paid her just Robin? Because it's so true, right? Like, you're not alone in that fear that shows up for everybody. And there are some people that call it different things, right? They call it procrastination, or they call it perfectionism. Or they'll call it guilt. They'll call it something else, or apathy. Or I just don't have enough information yet. But it's all just fear. It's all just fear, taking different forums. And once you can pinpoint that and understand like, okay, hold on fears always going to show up, because your brain is wired to keep you safe and alive. So of course, fear is going to show up, and I love how you can now notice, is this something that's legitimate? Or maybe unnecessary?

08:18
Yeah.

Vanessa 08:19
Yeah, that's huge. That's huge. Okay, so you, what had you tried before you joined the journey? Have you tried anything like reading books, listening to podcasts, or therapy?

08:34
Well, I've been in therapy, but the thing that I feel like there, and I'm still in therapy, and I still, you know, I still do it. And I'm grateful for it. But I feel like what therapy wasn't addressing was, it was very much about addressing my past. And I felt like, you know, I'm not someone who I'm very open about my sides, talked about my past and talked about my past and talked about my past. What I really wanted, was to take where I was now and learn how to live from here on out, you know what I mean? I didn't want to continue to talk about the past. And I mean, I understand that some people have issues, talking about the past, and they really need to be maybe profited a little bit. But that wasn't me, I had fully addressed my past, not that I don't continue to struggle with it. But I had been open about my past. And now I wanted to take what was what how I was now and learn how to live with that in a way that I can be happy and, you know, productive and all of that stuff. So that's what I feel like this does I mean, I feel like therapy is more like, again, I know not all therapists are the same, but I feel like that is very much about the past and I feel like this is very much about you know who you are now. And learning how to, you know, create, I guess the future that you want with who you are now, if that makes any sense. Since

Vanessa 10:01
totally 100%, you know, we have you know her, we have a student in the program, who's also a psychiatrist, and she's a practicing therapist. And one of the things she said, which I was like, Man, you just hit the nail on the head. She's like, you know, the difference between therapy, traditional therapy, and the coaching that you do, Vanessa is that therapy focuses on the problems and the past kind of like what you said exactly what you said. So whereas coaching focuses on your greatness in this moment, and how to move you forward, you know, create weight known in the future?

10:36
Yes. It's not just me, it's the Yeah, so I've done therapy, I'd also read a ton of books, self-help books, I feel like I'm the queen of self-help books. And they were helpful for a time. But what I realized, especially after joining the journey was that I'm someone who needs a little bit more guidance. So, you know, I was reading lots of great information, but I needed some more structure and guidance, and that's where it helps to have a coach, and, you know, workbook exercises that are, you know, pre-planned. But, yeah, I need I needed that structure. I think that's helped a lot. And the coaching for sure.

Vanessa 11:18
Yeah, you know, it's interesting, I think a lot of us read books, listen to podcasts, attend lectures, do those types of things. And it feels really good to absorb the information. But we are not what we learn, right? We are what we practice. Practicing is different because practicing is actually changing at a core level changing at a cellular level in your brain, changing your habits. And there's a reason habits are habits, because that's who we've become, and they're really hard to change unless you have somebody supporting you along the way.

11:48
Yeah, definitely. I agree with that.

Vanessa 11:52
Yeah. Alright, so tell me like, What concerns you had? Because, you know, there's a lot of people that get this information and are like, man, that would be awesome. But it's not time yet. Or maybe I'll do it later. Or, you know, all the excuses that come up. So what were you thinking? What concerns did you have before you joined?

12:10
Well, I mean, I was definitely sold from your master class. And I think after finishing the class, and of course, cost was a concern. But, you know, there was just something nudging me internally that, that said, this is something you need to do. And I just felt like, if this works, and it has been, if this works, the payout, I guess the lifelong payout will be, it will more than cover the costs of the program does that make sense? As the benefits that I get from doing the work and being in this program will, you know, dwarf any kind of cost associated, and I felt, you know, really strongly about that, there was just a voice that said, this is going to be worth it. And you should invest in yourself for change because that's not something that I do a lot, I don't invest in myself, and in my own, just personal development. And I felt like it was time to prioritize me because I hadn't really done that at all. As a student, I mean, gosh, that's like that goes up to at least for me, that goes out the window, just taking care of myself. However, that wasn't working for me, I was not happy, and I didn't feel healthy, mentally, physically, etc. And just felt like it was time to prioritize me. And I knew that I was just, I was sure that if I did this, that I would see the benefits in my work in school, you know, in the rest of my life. Yeah,

Vanessa 14:03
that is so beautiful. And it sounds like you I want to touch on a lot of what you said, but you ended with, I was sure that I would see the benefits and tell me have you seen the benefits?

14:15
I feel like I handle stress a lot differently now. I mean, I still get stressed Of course, I mean, you know, I've always dealt with a lot of anxiety since I was a child. But I have the tools to deal with it now. You know, I mean, I think I told you a few days ago, I mean, the one thing that really sticks with me is when I know that I'm feeling anxious, which is quite often, and just feeling like I'm in a fight or flight, which is quite often just because of how I grew up. I know that I can shift my brain to you know, from that fear center to I forgot what the part of the brain is where you're supposed to shift you but I know that just the act of breathing For example, and just being conscious that okay, this, my fear center is activated. Just let's, let's breathe for 10 seconds, it's Breathe, breathe in for five seconds, and spray it out for five seconds. Just doing that has been really helpful just having that awareness that. Okay, this is my fear center. And I can choose to shift out of that. Because this is not an actual threat. You know, you're not, I mean, gosh, yeah, I would say, I can't think of when there's actually been a threat, that's actually been a real threat. It's always a perceived threat, actually. So you know,

Vanessa 15:34
yeah. Fascinating, right, like 95% of the things that are that our brain responds to that turns on anxiety, fear, hypervigilance, whatever people call it to overwhelm, is all made up in our heads, it's all a perceived threat. And the brain, you know, this now, but the brain doesn't know the difference between actual threats and perceived threats. And so it's going to react the same. And what you just described how you are now able to shift out of the amygdala, the fear center, into your prefrontal cortex, you know, the higher order brain, what you just described, that's like ninja power, you know, that's like, what, what, how, like, Yoda trained the soldiers in Star Wars, you know, it's like, that's exactly what you're doing. And I know, it sounds a little silly. But I really do believe like, we are like, inside of the journey, the work that we're doing is we're creating this beautiful mind for human beings, that are able now to make decisions 100% out of intention, and stead of like reacting to fears and other things that aren't there that aren't real.

16:37
Yeah, mindfulness, for sure, has been something that has been greatly strengthened because of this program. I've also been encouraged to, just to make more time to meditate self-reflect and just exist in the present moment. And so yeah, mindfulness is huge, because now I, when I, when I do get stressed out or anxious, I recognize it right away. And then I can deal with it immediately with the tools and, you know, I've learned through this program so that I can always feel better. I mean, it's not just breathing, but just even the physical act of journaling, like you're you're all singing don't do it in your head, you know, whether you're typing it out or writing it, it really does help. I don't know, it's like, it's like you're purging your brain, I guess. But that the act of writing really does. It works. It helps.

Vanessa 17:29
Oh, yeah, for sure. It's so different. Because when you keep it in your head, it's the same thing. It's like your same rumination your thoughts over and over again, when you get them out. There is a difference there because there's a pause between you having a pen and you writing down. There's a pause there. So I love that you just said that my phone's on. I thought it was off, but I'm waiting to see if my son's teacher calls. So um, so yeah, I thought that that's just so well, well put what you just mentioned, I'm gonna turn off my ringer here and just leave it on for an emergency. Do you know how the iPhone lets us do that? It's awesome. So I love the way you just said that, I really think that that's an incredible gift to be able to give yourself the gift of being mindful. And then you said just be because I think for a lot of like really smart, ambitious women. We're doers by nature, that's what got us to where we are in life. And the balance really is, is being able to be a doer, but also a beer. Like be in the moment be present, you know, be yourself and for you up, you're compassionate, and you're kind and you're loving, and you're also brilliant like you can be, well, those are all things that are true, right? Like you can be all that and still do. And so I think that that is probably one of the biggest gifts that I think a lot of the students get from being in the program is understanding that they can be themselves be authentic and still do and still be effective in the world.

18:58
Yeah, I agree with that.

Vanessa 19:01
Yeah, one of the things you said when you were talking about the investment was investing in yourself and how that's not something that you did. And I think that's so common for so many women. Women are just not conditioned to put themselves first right it's let me put my family first or this person first or work first all these things first because we've been socialized to also like get our value from serving other people. And service is beautiful, but never when it comes at the expense of yourself. And so it is a huge I think mind shift to say okay, I am going to of course be in service to others but me first right?

19:40
Yeah. That's yeah. Put it much better than that.

Vanessa 19:49
Yeah. And so I think like thinking about investing in yourself is always like, Oh, but even though we don't say this out loud, there's always a question like, am I worth that right? Like, am I worth this amount of money? Because if it was if it was that same investment for your child, you spend all the money on your kid, right? Yes. Or if you're like a pet person for your pets, you'd spend all the money on your pets. Yes, but when it comes to Yeah.

20:16
So yeah, very much. Yeah.

20:23
I think that's the biggest lesson I learned over the summer when I first started, the journey was that

20:36
I just, my life is not school. And that that had been the only thing that I was focused on, I had tunnel vision. And I wasn't focusing on me or my health, my just my holistic health and, and I felt it I just wasn't, I wasn't happy. I just didn't feel good. And you know, summer is a time when it's still busy, but I have a little bit more time. And so is this the perfect time to just focus on me for a change and, and I knew I had to because, you know, what I was doing wasn't working. I wasn't, I just didn't feel good. I just wasn't happy. So yeah, I put myself first this summer. And I think that I think I'm a lot happier because of it. I do feel like I'm less stressed these days. I just, I just know how to deal with my really strong emotions now, you know, and I used to think that they were a curse, and I wish I was I wish I could just be emotion-free. Because you know, it's just when I hurt, I hurt. But I also realize what you know, when you talk about motions being a superpower. You know, on the other hand, I also when I feel joy, I feel great joy. And that's awesome. You know, I feel great joy, and I get joy out of very small things. And I like that about myself. But I hated feeling the lows, I hated feeling. So very sad and just depressed and angry and what have you. But, you know, I feel like I can manage them now. And I don't feel like I have to avoid them. They're not things to shun, they're a part of me. And because I've learned to love myself more, I can embrace those traits as well. And I think the other thing you've taught me is that being hard on myself, which I am very hard on myself does, it's not really it's not really effective.

But self-compassion is very effective. Because when you're hard on yourself, you're you're, you're wasting time being hard on yourself and being fixated on everything that's wrong. But self-compassion allows you to move forward. And it just allows me to work in a way that is Kinder towards myself. And yeah, gotta start with yourself. First. I am a firm believer in that. Now, if you know, I was I talked to my husband about wanting to change the world, even if it's true in some small way. But I came across this quote, and I wholeheartedly believe in it now. And it's basically, you know, first you need to change yourself if you want to change the world change yourself. And I believe that it starts with you.

Vanessa 23:29
1,000,000% There's so much that you said there that has so much wisdom. And that last part you ended with, it's so true, like we are all part of this larger consciousness of the universe. And every time you change, when you practice more self-compassion, you are allowing the entire universe to practice a little bit more self-compassion, by just by your ways of being people will see that and you will exude that that's how mirror neurons in the brain work. And other people will also be compassionate and kinder and all of those things. And so you are actually elevating the entire consciousness of the world when you change yourself. So beautiful.

24:04
Thank you.

Vanessa 24:06
Yeah, and you know, the thing about like, Yeah, I think we are conditioned to think that when we're hard on ourselves, we're gonna be better, stronger, more disciplined. But you are so right. I mean, when I I taught when I teach about self-compassion, how important it is. It's not because I made it up. This comes from centuries and centuries of practice. This is like ancient wisdom, you know, that has now been studied in the modern world. And the point is that really the biggest trip for everything is The kinder you are to yourself, the more successful you will be in life.

Because no matter what, like you said, Yeah, I still feel sad emotions like me, too. I've been doing this work for 10 years. I still feel sadness and sometimes disappointment and sometimes fear all of the things that come up with being a human being, but the difference is kind of like what you said when I feel them. I don't make them mean something has gone wrong. Right Because I think that's like where we waste our time, right is like making the mean something has gone wrong. Instead, I'm like, Okay, this has shown up for me. What is it trying to teach me? Yes, exactly. Exactly. Yeah. I love what you said about the exponential benefit of the work that we're doing. Because I think you're right. It's like, when you look at like, the price of anything, it's like, you look at it's like a transactional exchange, you know, like, is this worth X amount of dollars? But really, if you were to think about it, at the highest level, which is it's not a transaction, it's a transformational exchange. Yeah, it's like, I'm not just like, learning how to stop procrastinating. I'm learning how to manage my emotions for the rest of my life so that I never let fear get in the way of my potential.

25:48
Yes, absolutely. And for me, that is just you can't put a price on that. Because I am. Oh, God, I am. So I've always lived, just dominated by fear. Everything, everything I feel is it comes from fear. And it to live in fear is like that, quote, I shared with you from that movie. I don't know if you've seen it yet. Strictly ballroom-like to a life lived in fears of life half load. I agree with that wholeheartedly. It stinks to live afraid all the time. So yeah. For sure. Not being afraid of my own fear and being able to embrace it and deal with it is just, it's priceless.

Vanessa 26:29
Yeah, for sure, like 1,000,000%. So you said that the program has helped you with procrastination. So you now know how it shows up for you. And you're now able to procrastinate less, which is amazing. You're able to manage your emotions, manage your stress, shift, shift out of fear, which is a big one for everyone, and really, like Love Yourself wholeheartedly with even when the difficult emotions show up, you know, the easy one's joy, that's easy, but it's when the difficult emotion shows up that we get to be leaders in our own lives, right? We get to really like be present for those emotions, and figure out what they're trying to teach us. And you were able to learn all that. Yep. Yeah, I'm just gushing over here, because I'm just so proud of you.

27:12
But also really, like, you know, it just for me. Because you are a medical doctor. And we're able to describe what happens in the brain. And what happens in the body when we feel these, you know, negative, quote-unquote, negative feelings? For me that that was that was very convincing, and very compelling as well, because I didn't know there was actual, biology behind it. And so yeah, for me, that was a big selling point. I'm just gonna say,

Vanessa 27:46
Yeah, it's so interesting, right? Like, first of all, like, I'm just a huge nerd. I'm the biggest nerd I'd love to know why and understand and figure out this on the cellular level, what's happening. And we don't always have like, the Western world doesn't have all the answers to what's happening, right, like, human, the human mind can't even comprehend the incredible magic of the soul and the spirit. But for what we do know, I love to know. And so, you know, I bring that into a lot of what we're doing and teaching because I think it's like, really helpful even for me to comprehend, like, Oh, I see, I understand why I keep why this thought keeps coming back over and over again, like, why I'm so afraid of rejection, for example, or like, now I get it.

28:30
Yeah, and the historical basis of some of the things in the workbook, too. I love that stuff I loved you know, yeah, I'm a huge nerd to say, these are things that have been put into practice in that work. And, yeah, I love all of that. And that was very convincing, for me as well. So

Vanessa 28:47
that's awesome. You know, one of the things that I think is like a huge benefit of this work is we change ourselves and like you said, then we change the world because there's ripple effects about of the stuff that we do. So I'm curious if you've noticed any of that, like in your personal relationships or in your friendships or anything outside have you had this work rippled out?

29:07
Well, I definitely noticed it with my husband, and I feel like I'm a lot more patient with him actually. He that's, gosh, I feel terrible thinking about it. But he, he can get kind of long-winded when explaining things and, because I'm always focused on school and like, okay, yeah, what's the point? What's the point just get to the point. But I feel like no, I feel like I, I'm more patient and I listened to him and I feel like our relationship is better. I mean, we had a good relationship already, but, but it's just it just feels better. So yeah, definitely with my relationship with him. I'm just I, I take the time to listen and appreciate what he has to Tell me, no matter how long it takes. So for sure with him with school, I just, you know, it's funny. I was just thinking about this the other day and I'm surprised that I don't feel more stressed. I mean, like I said, I do have my moments where I do get stressed out. But in general, I don't feel very stressed out, I feel, I feel like something's wrong, because I'm not stressed out. And I do have a lot going on. You know, I mentioned that big paper that I was trying to finish. And I do have my comprehensive exams in January. And I feel like I should feel more stressed out, but I'm not I'm like, I'm okay. You know, I'm just living my life. And I feel mostly happy.

Vanessa 30:43
Yeah, that's so awesome. And you, we think, like, we've been conditioned to be stressed, right? It's like something you've practiced for a long time, because you think it's gonna help you prepare more, or like, I'm stressed because I have to be stressed, or whatever it is, like, oh, study harder. And honestly, all that does is get in the way of you actually focusing and being productive. So the fact that you can manage that is beautiful. And your relationship with your husband, that's incredible. Like, even just like loving him at face value for who he is without expecting him to not be long-winded, right? It's like, This is who my husband is. And this is how he explains things. And I'm just gonna love him for who he is.

31:18
I think it's I think it's maybe it's just I think it's being more present, I think is what it is. And being mindful, being more present, just enjoying the conversation for a change instead of rushing to get back to my work. I think that's that's what it is. It's being more mindful and being more present. Wow, the difference? Yeah.

Vanessa 31:38
I mean, we all know that mindfulness creates peace, right, and look at what it did for your marriage. It's like peace and love. That's beautiful.

31:45
So I think that's, that's been the biggest change. I'm just more present I'm, yeah, I'm not worrying about the exam. Just living day to day moment to moment.

Vanessa 31:57
It's so awesome. So what's your experience with the community? Because I think one of the beauties of the program, it's that you're not, there's like so many aspects of the program, right? It's like you're not by yourself doing these modules alone. You have my support the entire time along the way. But you also have this incredible community of other, really smart women who are caring and compassionate. And that really care about you along the way. What's been your experience with the community?

32:23
Oh, I mean, I didn't know I needed community. And so participating in this program, because I, you know, when you're a graduate student, you spend a lot of time alone, just writing work, you know, and, even before graduate school, I, you know, I've, I don't mind being alone. I mean, I do like to be with people occasionally. But I've never really liked crowds. But I never thought I needed a community until I got I got one. And I realized how much, you know, even without even just having a community of people who understood what I was going through how, how day to day, I just, I seemed happier, you know, just having that community, if that makes sense. So yeah, I and I've, you know, I've, I think I've formed, you know, a really, I've formed some close relationships with a couple of the women like beyond the journey, like we follow each other on Facebook. And so it's, it's just, yeah, that's been really, really beautiful. And something I didn't know I needed.

Vanessa 33:24
Yeah, that's so beautiful to say, I think, you know, the teaching happens by ourselves individually, right? Like in our brains, the healing part and the transformational part happen in our bodies and in the community. Like having other people witness having you understand that, like, whoa, like, you wouldn't see other people on seeing that, like, oh, my gosh, they're experiencing the same thing. I'm experiencing totally different parts of the world, sometimes totally different, like trajectories and careers. But the point is, like, we were all like, experiencing so many similarities, which I think really helps with healing.

33:58
Yeah, it really does. Just knowing that you're not alone makes all the difference in the world. I definitely noticed a difference in my happiness levels, just knowing that, it wasn't just me. It's funny.

Vanessa 34:14
Yeah, that's huge. Because before that, I think the ego tries to isolate us. That's like, where shame comes in, right? Telling us like, you're alone. You're the only person struggling with this. You're not smart enough. You're not good enough. All of those types of things, like work hard, or you're not disciplined enough. And then when you're in community, you're like, wait a second, I'm not alone. There's all these people dealing with the same thing.

34:35
Yeah. And I've also just been blown away it just the compassion in that group. I mean, it's, it's, it's everyone is so supportive. And just kind, you know, we can all use more of that. So,

Vanessa 34:51
yeah, yeah, it's by far one of my favorite things. I think. There are so many things I love about this community that we've created, but one of my favorite things by far is the love level of compassion and kindness that we all give to each other. And the support, you know, like, when like when we're getting coached group coaching when one person is getting coached how everyone else just holds space with so much love. It's so beautiful.

35:13
Yeah. And I mean, there's always there's always something in what everybody says that, that I recognize in myself. So it's, you know, it's just it's a very cathartic time because everybody, okay, most of us usually cry because we recognize something that the other person is saying in ourselves. And, you know, that's very healing too.

Vanessa 35:42
Yeah, for sure. That's beautiful. I think that's one of the benefits of group coaching. When you watch somebody else get coached, you're like, oh, my gosh, I did not realize how similar this is. And then you are learning and growing from watching somebody else get code?

35:55
Yes. Awesome. Exactly. Yeah. So that's why I always, you know, when someone says, Oh, I've been talking too much, it's like, no, no, no, you don't get it, we learn to please share, I guarantee you will be able to relate to something, you know, too many things that you're saying. So yeah,

Vanessa 36:13
that's exactly right. So beautiful. Alright, so I know you have some stuff to do. So we'll wrap up. But I'm just curious. Okay, let's say you had a friend or colleague who was interested in the program, what would you tell them?

36:28
You're worse, whatever it costs?

Vanessa 36:29
No,

36:33
you're worth more than that. I mean, how can you put a price on yourself and your well-being?

36:41
And that, you know, if you do the work, you will see, you will see the results in your life?

36:56
Because there you know, there is there's work involved in the work the work that you do the self-coaching that you do. But if you do it, it works, because I've seen it in my own life. And I don't think anything else No self-help book has helped me in the way that this program has helped me. I can definitely say, Yeah, I needed a coach, I needed a community I needed. I just needed some guidance. And it was, you know, it's just a lot harder to get the guidance on your own.

Vanessa 37:34
That's so beautiful. I just was letting all that. So again, that is so beautiful. Anything else you want to share, like anything that surprised you and working together?

37:45
I guess the only thing the last thing that I'll share is I mean, even after starting the program, I admit that I do have a lot of trust that crept in. And that may creep in for other people who choose to do this, but it's just it's a form of self-sabotage. And I realized that quickly. Because I, you know, I just said, okay, you know what, I'm just going to open myself up to this. Nothing else has worked. And I'm glad he did. And I was able to talk myself out of self-sabotage. But yeah, I guess to say that if other people are feeling that way, yeah, It might creep up. But just allow yourself to just open allow yourself to be open to this. If that makes any sense.

Vanessa 38:45
I think self-sabotage is I'm glad that you said that. It shows up in so many different ways. Right? For like for you it was trust. I have. Well, I used to, I used to have a lot of trust issues too. And I used to have perfectionist issues and all these other things. Right. And so my self-sabotage would show up, like a lot of similar ways that you mentioned. And so, however, self-sabotage shows up for anyone listening. It's it's so important to notice that that's not you. That's another form of fear. Right? That's just fear showing up of Yes.

39:17
Yes, absolutely. And thankfully, I was able to recognize that because I've lived my entire life being dominated by fear, sadly. And I was just at a point where I just I was just tired of it. I just decided to allow it to sink in and it has.

Vanessa 39:44
I want to wrap up by just sharing how I know I said this already once but how proud I am of you and how you've shown up every day you've been so like, open to all of the coaching. You've been in the modules doing all the work, you've been doing all the work on yourself, and you've been actually using the tools in your daily life. That is how you transform, right? It's like you learn the stuff, you change your habits, you change your brain, you change the wiring. And like, here you are today, and I'm just so proud of you. I'm so proud of you, you have no idea, and not that you need me to be proud of you. But the point is you have incredibly transformed. And you are a great example of what's possible for everyone, the way you show up in the group for other people to like when somebody posts something like me and all the shits coming up for me or I'm afraid or whatever and how you show up with your like, kindness and wisdom and compassion, just like showing up with love. It's just so incredible. I'm just, I'm so proud of you. And I'm so glad that you came on today and just joined me in sharing your experience.

40:46
Thank you. I appreciate.

Vanessa 40:50
You're so so welcome. Well, sweet friends, thank you. Thank you for tuning in. And remember, again, if I can leave you with anything, it's this. The changes you want to make in your life are possible for you right now. They're possible for you right now, no matter the circumstances that you're experiencing. So if you know you're ready to make sustained changes in your life, if you know you're ready to stop feeling stressed to stop feeling burned out to stop feeling like you're not in control. If you know you're ready. All you need to do is commit and it's okay if you're nervous. Because sometimes we have to make changes, even if we're a little afraid. That's what courage is. Courage is making choices, taking action in the face of fear, and defining nothing. I know that you because my listeners are awesome. I know that you have courage. So if you're ready to make changes, all you've got to do is commit even if you're a little nervous, and I have got you every step of the way. I will be there with you every step of the way. Again, check out the program. It's VanessaCalderonmd.com/join. You can find all the information for the journey. Alright, sweet friends, I'm sending you all so much love. Hasta la Proxima which means until next time, I will see you next week.

Vanessa 42:22
Hey, sweet friends, if you love what you're learning, then you've got to join us in the journey. It's my all-inclusive program and the best community out there giving you the education you never knew you needed to help you create a life you love. Join us at Vanessa Calderon md.com forward slash join. I'll see you there.