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Episode #104: One Simple Question to Shift from Stress and Burnout to Equanimity

About the Episode:

You know that old adage, "humans are creatures of habit?" Well, it's an adage because it's true. We tend to do the same thing over and over again, even if it's leading to results that make us unhappy, like strained relationships, overworking, anxiety, and burnout.

In this episode, we dig into why we do that, plus I'll share 2 questions that will help you disrupt your old ways of doing things, and start creating habits and new ways of doing things that will make you happier, more productive, and less stressed.

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104. One Simple Question to Shift from Stress and Burnout to Equanimity

Vanessa 00:00
Welcome to the Empowered Brain, the only podcast using science, psychology, and coaching to help you rewire your brain and create a life you love with your host, Dr. Vanessa Calderon, a Harvard grad physician, master coach, and mother of two.

Hello, friends. Welcome back. I want to introduce you to one question today, one simple question that is going to help you shift from stress from burnout to this new sense of equanimity of Peace.

Alright, so let me tell you a story of why this is so important. So I have this student that I work with in my program, the Journey, her name is Nisha. And Disha is incredible. She's like so high achieving, she has these two beautiful children at home that she cares about and loves so much. She does whatever she can to be present for them. But she runs this big nonprofit, this national nonprofit, so she loves her job, she loves the fact that she can be of service that she's always giving, that she's good at what she does. But she came to me because she was feeling so burned out just kind of like, like, I always have something going on. This was her thought, there's always something else, I always have something going on. And by the time Disha came to me, she had already tried all of those things that you read online about how to optimize your time and productivity. And, and all of those things, a lot of those things, by the way, I teach like batching, and those types of things.

So she had tried all of that already. And she still felt like man, I don't know, I always feel like there's more. I can never just she always had a sense of anxiety, like there was always something she was missing. So what was going on for Dasia? When we got down to it, what was going on for her is she, like many of us has been driven by a sense of anxiousness. That's what has been fueling her kind of supporting her and pushing her forward has been this sense of anxiousness. Like she was always afraid of dropping the ball. And when we dug deeper, and I'm telling you the story in case it resonates with you, because I know it definitely resonated with me, when we dug deeper, turns out that she comes from an immigrant family, and they didn't have a lot growing up.

And she grew up in a house where they had to work really hard all of the time, for simple things like making sure that they had light and running water, you know, and food on their table. And so she associated the idea of working hard for her safety with her security, when I work hard, I will always have access to these things, food, shelter, running water to electricity. And so in her mind, she had made this connection that when I don't work hard, the opposite is also possible that I will then become you know, poor, or lonely or I will lose my house all of those types of things. So it's no surprise that she had the sense of anxiety inside of her always feeling her. Like she always needed to do more like things were never done. Because she had this fear that if she were to slow down, then everything would unravel, and fall apart.

And ultimately, she would end up you know, her biggest fear and up without a home and up without food and without the safety and security that she had created for her family. So take a pause there because that is just such an incredible unraveling that she was able to do. And I know many of us have similar stories where we're working so hard because, on the flip side of that, we're afraid of what would happen if we stop working. And that's sort of what happens with that feeling of anxiety. If you're someone that feels sort of that anxiousness or that stress. Where that anxiousness comes from is because we are so afraid of what's on the other side. We're so afraid of what would happen if we were to let go. And so we hold on so tight to for her it was holding on so tight to working so hard because she was so afraid of what would happen if she were to let go.

Vanessa 04:36
So when she and I sort of unraveled this together, what I realized for her is Holy smokes, you are so high achieving, you are so good at what you do. You are so present for your family. You are so focused and you're so productive. And the one thing getting in the way is that you think and this is for all of you that struggle with this. You think that in order to continue to do that that you need to be anxious and stressed all the time that you can't slow down that you can't let go. And here's that one question, this one simple question that helped her shift. And that will help all of you shift when you're really open to this possibility.

The one question is, what if a different way was possible? That's it. It's so simple. What if a different way was possible? What if you were open to a different way being possible? What would happen? And that right, there was all she needed? When I said, Are you open to a different way is possible? She said, Yeah, of course. And I said, Well, what if there was a different way? What would that look like? So this is my question for you. If you are someone that is so attached, to always working, always being on because you're so afraid to let go of what that would mean? Chances are, you're also experiencing a lot of stress, and anxiety, and potentially you might feel be feeling symptoms of apathy or burnout. Because that's what happens when you hold on so tight to the idea that there's only one way to do it. And that way has to be hard. You have to work so hard all the time. So let me ask you, what if a different way was possible? What would a different way look like? And when I said this to Disha, it was incredible what opened up for her, all of a sudden, she was like, Oh, well, I can still have a list of things to do. I just don't have to be so afraid that they're not going to get done.

That's it, like letting go of the fear that she's gonna drop the ball that was huge for her. What is it for you, for a different way was possible for you? What would that be? Because here's the thing, when you open yourself up to a different way being possible, when you just say, Okay, I'm open to a different way being possible. And if that were the case, if a different way was possible, what would it be? All of a sudden, you put your brain to work to create a different way of being possible, a way without the stress without the anxiousness without the fear. How could I do this without the fear? There's another question for you to ask yourself. Try this out for yourself, and just be open to a different way being possible, that will shift so much for you to be open to a different way being possible, and ask yourself, What if a different way was possible? What would that look like?

Put your brain to work in a way that actually works for you. Because here are the things we friends, and this is, you know, what I shared with Duchenne what I will share with all of you that so many of us have been working with one framework, one mindset, that to get to where we are, we have to hold on so tight and work so hard, and keep pushing, pushing, pushing. And that has given you the reward of being where you are today. Look around you look at the results that you've created. If you are highly successful, if you know, drive the car of your dreams, if you are, you know, have the job that you never thought you could get. If you achieved all that. And you did it because you thought that you had to work really hard to do it, you might believe that the only way to continue to succeed is to continue to push yourself that hard. But here's the truth.

The only reason why you've done it that way is because you didn't know that a different way was possible. You didn't open up your brain to the possibility that there could be another way to do it. So what got you here today, let's celebrate it. Let's just love ourselves for being such a hard workers and for being able to know that we are able to do really hard things. Let's celebrate that. And let's also know that that is not who we want to continue to be. Because what got us to where we are today is not going to get us to where we want to be in the future. Because you probably want to continue to excel you want to continue to create you want to continue to do big things. But you don't want to do it with the stress the anxiety the burnout. You don't want to do it and not be present for your family and not be kind to yourself and not enjoy life. So what got you here today is not going to get you to where you want to go later. Today is the day for you to open up in the different ways possible. So you can now achieve that next level without all the stress and burnout. Alright sweet friends, go and do big things. Remember a different way as possible

Hey, sweet friends, if you love what You're learning and then you've got to join us in the journey it's my all-inclusive program and the best community out there giving you the education you never knew you needed to help you create a life you love join us at www.vanessacalderonmd.com/join I'll see you there

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The Empowered Brain: About the Podcast

This podcast is for all women, those that identify as leaders and those that don't, yet. You'll learn how to let go of guilt and self-doubt so you can show up with confidence everywhere you go. No more questioning if your idea is good enough to share, if it's worth it to speak up, or if you're a good enough leader. All that self-critical B.S. stops now. Listen in as masterful educator and Harvard grad physician, Dr. Vanessa Calderón, teaches you how to let go of the things standing in the way of your success as a leader. Get ready, this podcast will accelerate your personal and professional growth.

Dr. Vanessa Calderón, MD, MPP has over 20 years of leadership experience. She is a Harvard grad, ER physician, Life and Leadership coach, and a mother of 2. She's a first generation Latina and is dedicated to uplifting her community. She's the founder of the Latina Leadership Accelerator, where she uses education and coaching to support the personal and professional development of women at all stages of their lives and careers.

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Episode #104:

One Simple Question to Shift from Stress and Burnout to Equanimity

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