Episode #42:

Kindness vs. People Pleasing

March 17, 2022


Episode #42: Kindness vs. People Pleasing

I used to argue with my coach. I was stubborn, had a big ego, and when the things she said didn't match up with the way I had been living my life, then I did everything I could to prove her wrong.

This was especially true when it came to people pleasing.

You see, I was born with a gentle, kind and compassionate soul. But, because of what I learned growing up, mixed with some childhood trauma, and societal norms of how women should behave, I developed this deep need to people please and have others like me.

It was so ingrained into who I had become, that my actions were habitual and subtle. When my coach first pointed them out to me, I was offended and defensive. I said "I'm not people pleasing, I'm just being kind."

It took a lot of awareness and unlearning for me to start noticing how pervasive this behavior had become.

And, then came the uncomfortable work to remodel my brain away from the trauma response of pleasing others, towards one of inherent safety and living with integrity.

I often get a very similar question from my own students:

"How do I know the difference between being kind vs people pleasing? 

The answer is much simpler than you think.

In this weeks episode we talk about how the trauma response of people pleasing developed and how to tune into yourself and know it's showing up.

Listen in and learn:

  • How people pleasing is a trauma response
  • What it does to your brain
  • The difference between kindness and people pleasing
  • How to always know if you're acting with kindness vs trying to please others


Coaching for Latina Leaders

About the Podcast

Leadership ability is equally distributed but opportunity to lead is not. This podcast is for all women, those that identify as leaders and those that don't, yet. You'll learn how to let go of guilt and self-doubt so you can show up with confidence everywhere you go. No more questioning if your idea is good enough to share, if it's worth it to speak up, or if you're a good enough leader. All that self-critical B.S. stops now. Listen in as masterful educator and Harvard grad physician, Dr. Vanessa Calderón, teaches you how to let go of the things standing in the way of your success as a leader. Get ready, this podcast will accelerate your personal and professional growth.


Dr. Vanessa Calderón, MD, MPP has over 20 years of leadership experience. She is a Harvard grad, ER physician, Life and Leadership coach, and a mother of 2. She's a first generation Latina and is dedicated to uplifting her community. She's the founder of the Latina Leadership Accelerator, where she uses education and coaching to support the personal and professional development of women at all stages of their lives and careers.


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Is a 12-week professional development coaching program that launches April 4, 2022 and will help you execute at a higher level and improve your with self-compassion, so you can:

  • Improve your productivity by 60%
  • 10X your Emotional Intelligence
  • Have more time for the things you love
  • Cultivate an unwavering sense of self-compassion

Enrollment is open now and closes on March 31, 2022. Learn more and enroll at:


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