How to NOT Be Uncomfortable Practicing Anti-Racism with Dr. Crystal Agyei
September 8, 2022
Episode #67: How to NOT Be Uncomfortable Practicing Anti-Racism with Dr. Crystal Agyei
Get your free copy of the 5 Step Ultimate Guide to Stop People Pleasing here.
About the Episode:
Regardless of where you are on your racial healing journey, the majority of us will agree that racial oppression exists and it's all of our jobs, as human beings, to do whatever we can to create a more just, equitable, and anti-racist world.
As a brown skin Latina, raised by immigrants, I've experienced outright racism. But, I've also propagated many racial stereotypes. I've been on the receiving end of microaggressions, and I've likely also been on the giving end.
We all have biases. These biases mostly live in the subconscious part of our brain, which makes it really hard for us to see them and really easy for us to act on them.
Most of us didn't actively choose to believe these things, instead, they were things we saw often on TV or were told to us that we then internalized as truths.
I still have many racial biases that I'm actively working through. In fact, Dr. Ibrahm Kendi, the author of "How to be an Anti-Racist" says, that even he, a Black Ph.D. in anti-racist studies, has racial biases, and he has to consciously choose from moment to moment to practice anti-racism.
Examining our own biases can feel uncomfortable but it’s also the key to creating a more equitable world.
On this week's podcast, I bring to you an expert in the field of DEI, Dr. Crystal Agyei, who shares all her wisdom.
We talk about all things equity, inclusion, and anti-racism.
This episode is jam-packed with knowledge.
-Why it's important to know your identity and the privileges they give you
-How to not be uncomfortable practicing equity and anti-racism
-How White allies can strengthen their allyship
-How to create a culture of equity
-How to let go of the power plays
-How to start embracing your internal anti-racist work
-How to examine your own implicit bias
-How implicit biases hurt the people we're trying to help
Get your free copy of the 5 Step Ultimate Guide to Stop People Pleasing here.
Coaching for Latina Leaders
About the Podcast
Leadership ability is equally distributed but opportunity to lead is not. This podcast is for all women, those that identify as leaders and those that don't, yet. You'll learn how to let go of guilt and self-doubt so you can show up with confidence everywhere you go. No more questioning if your idea is good enough to share, if it's worth it to speak up, or if you're a good enough leader. All that self-critical B.S. stops now. Listen in as masterful educator and Harvard grad physician, Dr. Vanessa Calderón, teaches you how to let go of the things standing in the way of your success as a leader. Get ready, this podcast will accelerate your personal and professional growth.
Dr. Vanessa Calderón, MD, MPP has over 20 years of leadership experience. She is a Harvard grad, ER physician, Life and Leadership coach, and a mother of 2. She's a first generation Latina and is dedicated to uplifting her community. She's the founder of the Latina Leadership Accelerator, where she uses education and coaching to support the personal and professional development of women at all stages of their lives and careers.
Is a 12-week Life and Executive Coaching program that will help you execute at a higher level, thrive in all areas of your life, and improve your self-compassion. You'll be able to:
• Improve your productivity by 60%
• 10X your Emotional Intelligence
• Have more time for the people you love
• Cultivate an unwavering sense of self-compassion
The next cohort starts in Fall 2022. Learn more and join the waitlist here.
Listen to the Whole Episode:
Full Episode Transcript:
Full Transcript Here
66. How To Use The Science Of The Moon Phase to Create a More holistic and Aligned Life
Welcome to coaching for Latina leaders, the only podcast dedicated to the advancement of Latinas at every level of life with your host, Dr. Vanessa Calderon, a Latina with over 20 years of leadership experience, Harvard grad physician, and mother of two.
Hello, ladies, welcome back to the podcast today, I am excited to bring you something a little bit different, you know, we haven't really explored a lot of the beautiful wisdom that lies within kind of the culture, the history, and our ancestors on these calls. And there's this big misconception that we have to separate sort of the woo from the scientific. And it's something that's kind of irked me because I don't sort of want to call this a colonialism problem. But we don't always need scientific studies to prove something to be true. Sometimes we have, you know, centuries and centuries of generational wisdom and proof that it's worked.
And then, you know, in my experience, it's like, the Western world sort of goes studies and proves, for example, that gratitude works, you know, we've done all these studies where that meditation works, so that the power of intention is actually something that you can do. And it's so interesting because all of that stuff has been practiced for centuries. You know, like, the current psychologist didn't invent cognitive behavioral therapy that came from the Stoics and 300 BCE, for example. So today, what I'm doing is I'm sort of bridging a gap between the sort of scientific world and a lot of our sort of historical wisdom to bring you all a tool that for me has been so supportive and creating a more comprehensive and aligned life is the way I like to think about it.
And what I'm super excited about is the guest that I'm bringing on to help sort of discuss all this is a very dear friend of mine mentor, and one of my first ever coaches back in the days when I had no idea what coaching was, and I thought it was total baloney. So hilarious. So I'm gonna bring her on, and I'm gonna let her introduce herself. So Mimi Truong. Can you join us, please? And can you please tell everyone a little bit about yourself and how you got passionate about the issue?
Yes. Hi, Vanessa. I'm so excited to be on and sharing what I know, with your audience. So I am, you know, I currently work as a professional astrologer after leaving a corporate job in 2013. So I've been a professional astrologer for almost nine years.
Hold on a second, let me just say one thing, because you were a lawyer before, right? And you have this very analytical brain. And for a lot of people, I think, yeah, so I just, I just love mentioning that because a lot of people don't understand the science behind it. And how folks with scientific brains and analytical brains are drawn to this stuff like me, for example, I'm a huge scientist.
Yeah, and I think that's the misconception of astrology. Because once you actually delve into your own personal chart, and read more, you're realizing how analytical this whole process is. Because a lot of times we have that misconception that astrology is very abstract, it's just woowoo. And it's, there's no, you know because people don't know. So it's easy to say, it's not meaningful, but really, when you take the time to understand it, it really accesses your analytical mind. And so it was a really nice bridge for me. I grew up very traditionally, you know, from an immigrant family, we left Vietnam when I was two months old, and I, I grew up here mainly in, you know, in Canada, and then I came to the States, but then I always had this conflict with my mom who's very traditionally Vietnamese, right? So the expectation is very typical, grew grow up, become a doctor or an engineer, or, you know, or a lawyer. So I eventually took the lawyer path.
And then I realized I was very miserable. And then I graduated from law school around the time of the 2008 2009 recession. So I kind of transitioned into being a project manager in IT because it was definitely more readily available in terms of work experience. And I've done that for three years. And I remember working with my boss, and he gave me a project. And I'm like, wow, this is a logical project, like, I was trying to problem solve and that at that moment, I realized that my analytical brain was not helping me solve a problem in the eye. There was a moment of panic. And then I realized, you know, there's that part of me that's creative that I'm sure if I untap or unlock that, I could probably see the problem in a different light. And so that really began my journey to explore my intuition and my creativity, so that I can actually perform better at work. Like that was the catalyst.
Yeah, I think it's so interesting when we realize that we're missing something. It's like, where's my creative outlet? And it's because we think, you know, not everybody, but a lot of people think that they need to hide that part of themselves that that part of themselves isn't valuable. And it's, you know, obviously, like stories you've learned, and then you create shame around that part of yourself. And it makes it harder to access it. And it takes a ton of courage, especially when you come from stories like ours, right immigrant stories, where your family values hard work, and you know, it credentials and a title and a job.
You know, it. Yeah, and I know a lot of you listening can relate, because, you know, a lot of our audience are women of color. And so we can definitely relate to that. Okay, so let's talk a little bit about astrology. Because what I would love to bring to the audience today, my sense is people listening 30-something percent are going to be all about it. 30% are going to have no idea what the heck is going on here. And 30% are going to be somewhere in the middle, they've heard about moon phases, they sort of know what their sign is, you know, but they've never really kind of looked into it. So let's start at the beginning, and maybe just introduce what astrology is. And then I know that there's a super interesting article about the USA women's soccer team that maybe we can talk about as well.
Yeah, absolutely. Well, I always begin and tell my clients what astrology is, in my own words. One thing that I say is that astrology is a symbolic study. And it is through the zodiac signs, and through the planetary bodies, they actually represent archetypes. And that is the easiest way for us to understand how astrology plays into our life is that it's about the storytelling of all the archetypes that we embody.
So, think about watching a movie or reading a novel book, there are always key characters, the main hero, that's, you know, their journey has to go for on a mission, then you always have like a female or a love, you know, interests, there's always a wise man that you meet along the way that is there to support you and guide you, you have you, you know, the enemy, who is you know, confronting your greatest fear or whatever it is. So those are different characters and archetypes that we actually live that lives within us in our own personality or makeup. And that's really how I like to explain astrology it gives us an understanding of who we are. And I think at the end of the day, the tool helps us fully accept who we are because we have chosen to come into this lifetime, with these gifts with the strength and with these challenges.
And it's showing up on your astrological chart. And I always say, You know what I wish we were born with a manual on how to live our life, but we don't, we have to figure it out. We learn from the adults in our lives, we learn from our friends, and you know, social media, or just the media in general and social norms. And, oftentimes, we do try to fit into what other people expect of us. And we forget about ourselves over time. And when we take the time to look at our own personal astrological chart, which we are all born with. It literally captures, you know, the positions of the planets at the time you were born. So as long as you know, when you were born, what time you were born, and where you were born.
We can you know, look at okay, that at that moment in time, what is your story? And you know, we are analyzing all of the different elements in your chart. And I think also understanding our path or paths helps us understand our future. So it's really I think a gift to be able to even have reading for yourself is understanding, oh, wow, this is who I am, or I'm not crazy. I thought that this is what I want. But I tried to repress it or suppress it, and at the end of the day, if we run into challenges in our life, we're being forced to look at ourselves and look at our lives. And so astrology is a tool that helps us reflect back on who we are and who we get to be and who we've become.
Yeah, I think that that was really comprehensive, but a great explanation of what astrology is. And I know from my personal experience, so I'll share with all of you, Mimi has done two readings for me, she did a birth chart reading, and I'll let you explain what that is in a little bit. And then she did a birth date reading, which I'll let you find that as well. But the point of it is this that the very first time I had her do a reading with me was when my life kind of felt like totally upside down because I had decided to take my, you know, typical career path and throw it down the toilet because it didn't feel aligned to my values. And I decided to choose something totally different. And there was so much uncertainty I was experiencing. And I remember I came to you and I was like you said, Well, what is your intention?
I was like, I want to like I kind of want to know, am I making the right decision? And I think in all honesty, that was kind of an unfair question to ask anytime. Because, you know, now that I think about our personal journey, we don't we're not given a manual, because the purpose of life is not to live based on a manual, it's to be on a journey, right? It's to be on a journey and figure out, you know, becoming more of you, and really asking those questions and doing a lot of healing. Because we are born, you know, these perfect beings, and all this shit happens to us. And we learn all these things. And people tell us they're too fat or too skinny, or they're not smart enough, or my skin isn't light enough, or whatever it is. And then we get all the shame attached to it.
And I'll tell you, I'm bringing this back to the birth chart. But one of the stories that were told to me was that I hated conflict. But I wasn't good at conflict. And I internalize that, in so many different ways. You know, I grew up in a house with a shitload of conflict, a lot of trauma. And I was a mediator and I liked to solve the conflict by sitting down, I wasn't the way other people in my family handled conflict, which is being really loud and yelling, and, so what they said to me is you just avoid conflict. And, and what was interesting is, as I got older, and I was, you know, I've been a physician leader for about 20 years, but I had to manage departments and manage a ton of conflict. And turned out I was awesome at it, I was really good at sitting down, it was in people's views and making sure everybody felt heard coming up with the solution.
And so I remember feeling this weird, like, disconnect in my brain. How am I so good at it this way? You know, and how am I like, really brave. And I don't know if I've shared this with you, maybe, but I was also sexually assaulted as a kid. And when I was doing a lot of my journey and healing, and that came up for me, I, you know, I created peace with the soldier and I reached out to them, and I had that conversation with them. I remember talking to a therapist later. And I was like, Yeah, I'm really bad at conflict. You know, I told the therapist this and she's like, wait for a second, you just told me that your approach sounds like hmm. And then when we did our birth reading, you said something to me. You said, Okay, well, you have your rising sun, your setting sun, and then you have your moon sign, and your moon sign is in Gemini and an end, which means you can probably explain this, but that you're really good at mediating conflict. That's like how you approach conflict. And I was like, Oh, my goodness, you mean I'm not that accomplished. It's just this isn't it, it's just so interesting.
And so the reason why I share that with everyone is that there are so many gifts internalized into who we are that we pathologize you know, we think that there's something wrong with them. And for me, when I had that astrological reading, it was almost like a moment of awakening for me. Like, wait, nothing's wrong. And we just wanted to share that personal experience.
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. That's what you know, a session of just sitting down with your own chart can reveal about you and help you see yourself differently. I always say it helps you have a different perspective of yourselves from yourself from a very objective tool because the tool does not know you, I am all I'm doing as an astrologist interpreting your chart the symbols in your chart, and reflecting that back to you. And when we listen and hear and if it challenges, some of our beliefs or you know, our beliefs about ourselves.
Then we're like, wait a minute, is this really true? And it gives us a chance to reflect and Question as opposed to being on autopilot that, oh, this is how I've been, and this is what people tell me I am as opposed to, well, let me be the judge of it. And, you know, that's what your first natal chart will help you identify and understand very fundamental and core parts of who you are. And, and then, you know, you mentioned about the birth chart, you know, the birth chart is static is still the same, it maps out, you know, your, your full potential there. So free will in it, you, there are choices that we all make in our day-to-day lives.
The map does not tell you what you should or should not do, but rather, okay, these are the energies that are very natural for you. But these are the challenges that you've got to be aware of. So you can do something different when you encounter those kinds of challenges. And then, you know, we go over some of your like life purpose, some of your past life energy, looking at what particular area in your life tends to really dominate your life. Because, again, there are some people that grow up with that very certain type of expectation that they must be very successful in their career. But when you look at their chart, really they're designed to be made, maybe just a stay-at-home mom, and that's okay, that does not make them wrong.
But maybe they grew up with that pressure and expectation and when things don't go their way, they're wondering, like, what's wrong with me? And, you know, when I looked at their chart, like no, but this is you know, who you're here to, really what you're here to learn and explore. So that it, hopefully, releases that pressure and the expectations of themselves. And then the birthday chart shows the themes that begin on your birthday of one year through the following birthday of next year. And so that changes every year on your birthday, so that the gift of reading, getting a birthday reading is so that we can hone in on what the year is offering us and working with the energy as opposed to assuming that well, this is the stage of where I should be.
And this is the next step. And you know, so it gives us a little sense of I wouldn't say necessarily certainty because there's so a lot of uncertainty in that. But it gives us a very general template and guide. And in there, we get to make our own choices as well.
Yeah, you had explained to me that your natal reading, your birth reading is like a book, but the entire book and every year is like a chapter. I loved the way that you said that to me because it was just so clear. Just one last thing I want to add, I had always been so averse to these types of things, because I didn't want anyone to dictate, this is what I thought that somebody was going to dictate my future or my life. And I was like, eff that I want to make my choices, you know, and I don't want to feel attached to some result. And even you know, I grew up with the, with an aunt who has a lot of intuitive powers and does tarot readings and has said a lot of things that have come true, you know, are true. And, and she would read for my sisters, and she would read for my aunts, and she would read for our family. And I'd never sat with her because I didn't want to hear it.
You know, I didn't know what I was gonna hear. But I didn't want to hear it. I wanted my life to be my life. And I know that when I came to you, I was looking for an answer because I was feeling so much uncertainty and the brain hates uncertainty. And I'm so glad that I didn't get it, you know, gave me you essentially took away all of the things that I was making wrong about myself. Because there was just so I think it's 14 different houses, right, or 12?
Well, there are 12 houses, okay? And the 12 houses.
Yeah. So, each house essentially symbolizes something. So there was for me, there was a lot of energy, for example, in the finance or the money, the money house. And the reason why I say that is because I grew up in a lot of poverty. And I, you know, my sisters would always tell me, they pathologize that too like You're so cheap this year that because I love to save because I was so like, I was so interested in learning how to invest and you know, even from a super young age, I opened up a bank, my dad opened up a bank account with me when I was I think seven or eight years old or something. And I was all about it. I would look at it. I had like $200 in there and I was always like, and as I continue to grow up even now I've been on a path towards creating financial independence and that really matters to me.
And I used to think Am I having a scarcity mentality? Am I afraid of something and you know, all these things? And, and the truth is that I think it was a little bit of everything, you know, I am driven to have a lot of like sort of energy or power around money, and not in a bad way at all, but in a really beautiful way. Because I mean, I just have a lot of beautiful thoughts about money, because I think money just helps you be more of who you are. But um, but also, I did grow up with a lot of trauma around money I did grew up with divorce and hearing a lot of arguments about money. And I did, I created a, you know, a sort of limiting belief that had been poorly equaled getting a divorce, and that the only way to be successful and survive was to have like, multiple jobs, because I grew up in an immigrant house where everybody had like, a million jobs, right. Like, we're Brown, and all my uncles and aunts, my parents, everyone had jobs.
And so I, when I was when I brought awareness to all that I was like, Oh, how interesting. So if I was able to heal all of these wounds, and just be free to continue to pursue what it would look like for me to be directed towards, like, creating financial abundance, what would that look like?
Yeah, yeah, it's a beautiful invitation and opening a conversation sometimes that we, in our mind, we know it's a story that keeps running in our mind and that, like, there's a voice, but when you sit in and you have these kinds of reading, and we're actually talking about those particular areas in your life, then it triggers something in our brain like, wait, what what what do you mean, like, and then you, we start talking it out, and then you start connecting the dots for yourself?
Yeah, I think I just really loved how it just helped me understand so much about myself. So for those listening, if you're interested in doing a natal reading for yourself, I think the biggest gift is, you know, allowing you to really just create so much more self-compassion, and love yourself, and just really understand yourself on a whole different level. You know, which I just think is so beautiful, would you mind, um, I really wanted to talk about the moon phases, because I feel like the moon phases help us sort of connecting with our inner divine almost right like that our feminine intuition or quality. But before we do that, I don't think people know the difference between your rising sun, your setting sun, and your moon sign and how that plays a role. Can we just briefly talk about that?
Yeah, very simply, there are three things that people it's like, what is that they're the core of who they are your sun sign your rising and your moon. And our Sun sign. Most people know, it's just like, they're your zodiac sign. It, oftentimes people think that it's your personality, it's really not the core of your personality, it's really your essence, the sun sign is who you're here to become at your highest expression. When your sun shines, that means that you really allow the whole you to come through.
So you know, looking at your sun sign is really looking at, okay, this is who you're here to become. Our rising sign is the way by which when we operate from our rising sign can help us achieve our Sun sign. Or the rising sign is the zodiac sign that was rising at the eastern horizon at the time you were born. So think about, you know, the sun rises in the east, the rising sign rises in the east. So that is how you show up to the world. That's how people see you, as it's the masks that you're comfortable wearing. It is definitely much more closely connected to your natural personality than the Sun sign. Because you naturally evoke that energy, that rising sign energy. And so we operate easily through our rising sign.
And then in your case, you have the same rising as your sun. So in that way, it's very, it's compatible. It's like it speaks the same language. So in a sense, what that means is you are, you are like an open book like you, you present yourself the way that you are authentically you. So you don't have another different layer. Our moon sign shows the feminine part because the sun is the masculine energy, the sun, the moon is the feminine energy. It's receptive, it's our intuition. It's our instinct. It describes our needs like what makes us feel safe. Because the moon represents you know, the mother, the nurturer, whereas the sun represents more of the father like the man's masculine energy within us. So when we understand those three layers of our astrological personality, we can, you know, craft a story around, you know, the multifaceted part of who we are. Because sometimes Yeah, and I think that's one of the critics of reading it horoscope in the magazine.
Well, how can the same horoscope apply to only 12 zodiac signs? That is just one way of understanding yourself and your journey. But once you dive into your own personal chart, there are so many layers that encompass who you are. So you're not just one sign it's not that simple.
So for those of you that are curious about what signs are just want to share because I'm a Sagittarius zodiac sign. So. So that's my setting sign, right? Is the Zodiac sign your setting sign? I know for me, for me, it's my Rising Sun sign and also my setting sign but when you look at it like a Zodiac calendar, whatever is on there. That's your setting sign, right? You're setting sun your sun sign. Yeah. Oh, but isn't a rising sun setting sun?
No, well, that might be something different.
Oh, so do you call it a rising sign? And you call it the sun sign? Yeah. Okay, so your rising sign is your sun sign, which is kind of like, I think about that as your setting sign. Because that's like, where you're going. Going? Yeah, you're saying okay, so I guess I made that up in my brain. And then your moon sign? Yeah. So um, so I'm a double Sagittarius and then a Gemini. And I think once I like, I know, you probably are laughing cuz you're like, you totally are. Right. That's so funny. How are you?
I'm curious. I'm a Scorpio with a Taurus rising. So you and I both have opposites opposite, you know, signs like that. And then my moon is an Aquarius. That's why my whole analytical part of me comes through my Aquarius moon because it just wants data. It wants facts. It wants lumbers, like, but then the Scorpio side of me just wants, you know, deep emotional connections. I have, yeah, that level of complexity in me.
It's so awesome to understand. I love knowing what people's signs are. Because for me, it just helps me grasp who they are on a deeper level. And so the other thing is if you are right now thinking like, Oh, you're so lucky that you're rising in your settings unnatural? Oh, I'm so unlucky. You know, none of that is true.
No, no, no, no, yeah, it's, it's just how we would describe and explain. But, you know, we all have strengths. There is always some planetary placement in our chart that is awesome and beautiful. And not everybody has that. And that is what makes all of us so unique, and different, we're not all the same, we do share very, maybe similar things. But you know, this is I call your astrological chart like your cosmic DNA. So it's your unique imprint, you know, of the universe, but then how it's being lived in, in the physical world, right?
That’s such a good way to think about it your cosmic DNA because we are born with DNA, but things influence our genes, you know, as Yeah, that is such a good way to think about it. I love that. Such a nerd. When you say DNA, I'm like, oh, yeah, my language.
That's my analytical part. I'm like, that's how I feel about it. And, you know, it might connect with other people who might, you know, gravitate towards. I mean, I was a pre-med, right? Of course, my mom wanted me to be a doctor. So I'm like, Okay, fine. So I did pre-med, and I did the MCAT. And I just tried to appease her but I'm like, I knew in my heart, I was not interested in being a doctor, but I totally understand the whole scientific path. So yes
totally. So let's talk a little bit about the moon sign. Well, can you start before you talk a bit? Explain it? I'll maybe just tell the story of the US Soccer Team.
Yes. So you know, so the moon sign. First of all, you know, when you just as women, when we say we're on our moon, it's because we're on our period because the moon travels. It takes about 27.3 days roughly, to for the moon to orbit around the Earth. That's the rate at which it orbits and so it really coincides with our own period, like our cycle or menstrual cycle. And there are different phases of the moon as it travels around the earth. And if we understand the different meanings of all the different phases, we can also understand our own bodies and our own menstrual cycle. And so we can then do certain activities that promote the energy that is natural for that particular phase.
And so though, US women's soccer team was one of the teams that they actually experimented training, developing a training program, according to all of the women's menstrual cycle, so you know, how they say, when you live with a group of women, eventually all of your menstrual cycles somehow aligns in the very similar cycle. So then if you are a sports team, that you're constantly day in and day out, work together and train together, then eventually your menstrual cycle will kind of line up together. So then there are certain peak, high-performance peak times, and then there's going to be some phases where it's more rest and recovery.
And then there's some other period where it's more about, okay, let's try to Gize maybe let's try it and learn about and evaluate the other teams, how they play and understand, you know, the different game and plays that we can create and strategize techniques and stuff like that. So that's more of a creative phase. And then there's more of a social playful stage. So if we get distracted, we're not super focused on the work because now we just want to have fun, there's a period in that phase where it's more social, more dynamic. So that's kind of how they started experimenting it. And then after, I don't know how many years they've done this, but you know, at some point, it led them to win the women's soccer, you know, the whole cup, because they allowed their body to work naturally with their hormonal cycle and their menstrual cycle. And that's how they created high performance. So that's really just a, you know, as a great article, and you feel free to share that as the EU in the US News. a publication that you can share that link and people can read about it, but you know, bring it to our own life.
Once we understand and track both our menstrual cycle and the lunar, the actual moon cycle, then we can start understanding your moods. And if you journal and keep track of, okay, these are the days that I'm feeling cramped, I'm feeling
you know, you're really grumpy. Or this, this is a time where I just want to have fun and go socialize and don't care what I eat, and I just eat whatever I want, right? Like, so there's all of these things for us to really understand our body, what the body needs, and really listening to our body. And sometimes we don't honor our body because we're like, either go, go, go, go harder, harder, harder, and then we don't give ourselves the chance to rest and recover. And then our whole body breaks down, you know. So that's really, I think, what brought me to start tracking my, I mean, my moon cycle for sure. And I've been really deeply listening to, you know, how my body feels and when it's sluggish when it's really high energy, and then also with the moon phases.
So I really took the time to track and understand and connect with the energies that live out around me, and then how it makes me feel inside and how do I negotiate my energy and the responsibilities I have, with my personal life, my career, but then, you know, my level of exhaustion and you know, getting to burnout is just not sustainable. So I think the tracking of our, menstrual cycle and the lunar phases, helps us slow down and just be much more mindful about how we live. And so you know, that is so there's so much you know, work and rituals and things that are available when we really start understanding the power of the moon. And, you know, they say that the moon is the Earth's satellite, you know, and you can watch so many videos about nature and how nature itself follows the different tides and the moon too, you know, either procreate or migrate or, you know, all that stuff is very in tune with nature with animals.
But humans, you know, we overcomplicated sometimes things because of our intelligence, but there's that primal part of us. And the moon really always showcases the most primal part of ourselves. And that is the whole site of what fight flight or freeze. But when we really are grounded and rooted in our own intuition, then we don't panic over the little things, right? Because we're like, oh, no, I'm grounded. I'm rooted I'm here, I'm safe. And so we have a better way of responding as opposed to reacting. Yeah, so
interesting, so much of what you said, I want to respond to, but I'm going to be mindful time and I'm not going to, but I will just say one thing, which is, I think it's so freakin phenomenal, that the women's US Soccer Team leaned into their femininity, and into a sort of their divine strengths, to just dominate the soccer world, they won multiple World Cups over and over again, by leaning into their femininity, and so much of us, like, you know, society has made femininity, so wrong, you know, and, you know, You're too sensitive, you're too this, you're too that you got to be more like this, you know, you got to be if you're gonna be successful, you've got to be like this, which is like a white man, you know, and, and we know now that transformative leaders that are making a difference, like those leaders have feminine qualities, you know, they're vulnerable, they're authentic, they're compassionate.
And so I just want to highlight that for all of you listening, the more we then we lean into our strengths. And for us, like we're women, let's lean into being a woman, you know, the more sort of success that we can find in life. So, um, the other thing I want to highlight is I haven't had a period in, geez, Louise, I'm celebrating almost a decade, you know, because I've had an IUD since my daughter was born, and hallelujah, like, I never want to go back to having a period again. But I do want to be aligned with my moon signs because I know when the new moon comes, I know how my energy changes. So would you mind maybe talking about the moon phases and how that affects us?
Yes. So we always begin with a new moon. A New Moon is the beginning stage of that, that cycle. In the sky, you'll never see a moon in the sky, it's going to be a dark sky. why? It's because the moon is right in front of the sun. So the sun is at the center of the universe. So this is a little bit of astronomy. The sun is in the middle of the universe. And then when the moon is right between or Yeah, between the Sun and the Earth, then there's no light reflecting on the moon. So the moon is dark. So the New Moon is a dark moon, you can't see the moon in the sky, and marks the beginning. And the beginning is always a time of darkness of rest and silence and reflection.
Then the moon continued to orbit 90 degrees. And at that point, the sun will shine the rays onto the moon, and we're gonna see part of the moon, the side of the moon. And that's going to be the first quarter of the moon. So we call it the first quarter of the moon. And that is a very high energy, very active time period. And it's usually about two weeks' time. No, it's one week's time it's seven days. And then two weeks time is on a full moon because now the sun is on one side, the Earth is in the middle and the moon is on the other side of Earth. And the sun will shine. It's light onto the moon and the moon will reflect back that light and that's when we look up in the sky and we see a full circle full Moon. And that is a time of socializing, that is when you know, throw a party because everyone wants to be there because everyone wants to be out and about, it's a very vibrant social energy.
And then the moon continues to orbit and goes to another 90 degrees, and that is the third quarter of the moon. And that is a time when you know, the moon is what we call waning because it's shrinking right from the full moon, it's going to get smaller and smaller and smaller until it disappears again. So the third quarter moon is a waning moon. And that is a time of creativity, slowing things down, you know, our energy, it's like, kind of like on our way to go to bed, you know, when we just calm ourselves down, and we're getting ready to go to bed and go to rest. So but it's a time where, you know, we're maybe cleaning things up, it's a time where we're, you know, the party's over on the full moon. And now okay, all our guests are leaving, and it's time for us to clean up. And then as we're cleaning up, we're creative, because we're moving where our bodies moving. But we're moving slowly. So we're very conscious and mindful of what we're creating in that at that moment. And then finally, the moon orbits back again in front of the sun.
So it starts another cycle. And those are the different phases. I mean, there are even more phases, but that is going into really too much detail. But those are the main four phases, and how we can use those energies in during that time. So certainly today is a full moon. So we're recording this podcast on a full moon. So it's definitely more. It's a social time. It's a time when people wanted to connect. And it's a great time for, you know, picking up the phone and reaching out to some people that you're like, Oh, I haven't talked to this person in a long time. We'd love to connect. And it really supports that kind of energy.
Yeah, I love that. And I think just practically speaking the way x sort of used the moon phases for me because you know, there's going to be times for example, when it's the new moon, and it's supposed to be a resting time, but according to my calendar, my programming, whatever's going on in my life, I don't have the ability to rest. So but I know that it's the new moon, so when I'm feeling like maybe not as motivated, maybe a little bit more tired, maybe like, you just really want to get back. I've learned to just like not pathologize that and say, okay, you know, it's the new moon, of course, I'm gonna feel like this. So how much work? Can I get done in a short amount of time? And then how can I go and take care of myself and rest, you know, and then the same thing for the other parts of the moon, as I know first. I'm clearly like, very energetic, very type A, I'm an Enneagram. Three for those listening. I'm like a high achiever. And so I want to be the first quarter moon all of the time, but it won't serve me, right?
Yep. Exactly. Because I mean, naturally by nature, that nature has a cycle. That's why we have the four seasons because the full moon is, you know, well, the full moon is usually falling, but you know, summertime, well, spring is New Moon, right? Summer is a quarter moon, it's vibrant, it's summer, it's hot. And then you have the full moon, it's like fall, and then it's harvest time. So that's why people come out and then you know, astrology used to be used for agriculture purposes. You know, 5000 years ago, when people didn't have necessarily a Gregorian calendar, they just look at where the sun is, and what's the temperature. What's the tide level? Do we have water? Is it gonna flood? You know, can we grow product crops, and then at some point, it's fall time is harvest time. So that's when we collect all of the fruits of our hard labor.
And then eventually, we got into winter, which is hibernation time, you know. So we live through life through the four seasons, which help us, and inform us also that as our own in our body, we move through those kinds of timing as well. And so you're right. It's striking that balance that the reality of our responsibilities and our life or career or family still demands certain things from us. But if we're aware of, okay, you know what, this is a new moon stage or maybe a third-quarter moon stage. You know, I can give myself permission to, you know, find some time to take care of myself and I'm a very big proponent of naps. So I don't know Since only take naps every day, but then whenever my body feels like, Okay, you need to shut down rest, and just go. And so don't feel so guilty if I just locked myself in a room somewhere in the office and just, you know, keep my head down and just close my eyes for even 10 minutes, and then I can feel refreshed.
Yeah, I think, for me, it just really helps inform so much of how I'm feeling and doing and I can't remember if we were recording when I already said this. But um, there's this app, it's called the pattern that right maybe the pattern Yeah, so and Mimi many years ago, she and one of our other dear friends, Andrea had recommended it. And so I downloaded it. And it's the one app where you can triangulate essentially, the time you were born, the location, all those types of things. And so eight sort of uses your natal chart to support you.
And when I'm feeling off when I'm not feeling like, sometimes I'm like, there's gotta be something going on, you know, like, and so I'll go to the app to see like, what's going on with the moon right now what's going on astrologically. And it's really supportive. It's like, oh, it's because this is the time where this is supposed to happen. And it just really, for me, informs a lot of what I'm doing and feeling when, you know, sometimes you just feel off. And, again, I'm a huge proponent of not pathologizing what we're experiencing in life because it's never a problem, you know, there's only a problem when we decide it's a problem. And so, so I just love how practically, it's another way to think about how we're doing this. And also, you know, I want to give you a few minutes in the end mean me to just share any last words of wisdom.
But one of the things I've loved and I've learned from you, and the deeper I dive into, you know, are the mysticism and the wisdom and everything that our ancestors have sort of given to us, the more I just really appreciate how holistic we can live our lives, you know, our life doesn't have to be lived by this one like the Western way all of the time, which is like, consumer, this, buy this, you know, weigh this much achieve this. And I know for the people listening as you guys get it, that's why you probably listen to this podcast, but um, I think we sort of lose connection with our intuition and our greater divine. And when you start to sort of really step into these other spaces, embracing them, and learning from them, it helps you connect with yourself, it helps you trust yourself more. And I just, I just think that that's like, as part of our journey in life, it's really learning how to, like, build that trust with ourselves again. Yeah,
absolutely. And eventually will bring us to feel, you know, confident in as we move through our day, and how we relate to our family, like, you know, who wants to have mom, that's grumpy, right? Like, what if mom was joyful and relaxed, and playful? I mean, that reaches brings better energy into your family, and then you know, your co-workers would want to see you the next day at work, you know, there's just more pleasant.
And if you know, you're married, and you have a partner, then your partner would want to, you know, come back home from their work and see someone who's, you know, is healthy and joyful and happy, because misery is really hard to live a life of misery. So I think the ultimate goal and you know, I always as you know, as a coach, and I always asked, like, you know, What's your ultimate vision? What do you want in life, and a lot of time, people used to say, I want to be happy. And I think with this more recently, recent generation, there's like a lot more information out there on social media, we really understand like, well, what does happiness really mean because we say we want to be happy, but we really don't know what it takes.
And knowing ourselves feeling confident about who we are, and trusting our own judgment and intuition. in a holistic way that brings the best version of ourselves in, we just become, happy people. Because we're not trying to fit into anybody else's molds or expectations, and we're trying to pretend we're someone that we're not. It's hard. So I think that that's really the gift for everyone. It's not Yes, it is for yourself, first and foremost, but also to create better relationships with the people that you do love around you, you know.
Absolutely. And you know, you've seen happiness what I've come to understand from just like doing this work for so long and working with so many clients now is that I realized that happiness means peace, you know, it's like I don't need to be joyful all the Time, like, you know, like, positive all the time, even though I'm pretty, I'm just like, naturally lean towards optimism. And my clients also didn't need that they don't need that positivity or that what they need is to create peace around the holistic, like all of life, the grief, the good stuff, and the bad stuff.
And I just think that the more you can accept yourself for who you are, understand yourself for who you are, let go of attachments of like what you think you're supposed to be, that really supports you in creating peace, you know, and I just, I can imagine maybe what you're feeling right now, because I remember when you first met me, like who I was, and who I am now. I mean, it's bringing emotion up in me of like, my own transformation, because I say all this today, but this was a journey. You know, this wasn't who I always was, it was a total journey. I was living a life on, like, on autopilot my whole entire life, really, until I came into the world of like coaching and it opened me up and it just really helped me like a question, why?
Yeah, and you know, you're not the only one I come across a lot of women like this where you know, headstrong, independent, and I grew up in a household, my mom wears the pants in the family, my dad was a stay-at-home dad. So I witnessed firsthand what it means to be an independent, self-made woman, right, my mom built a business and she took care of people and on her own, you know, paycheck so. And the thing is, but I also saw my mom's pain, right, as an immigrant, her leaving her home family, like, she left with my dad's family, and she left her family behind. So she felt like she had to be tough to weather, this new world where she doesn't speak the language. She is from a foreign country. And it hardens us, you know, it creates that, okay, I have to win, I have to succeed I have to provide. And there's nothing wrong with that. But I think there's that mindset where it's a survival and fear-based mindset to excel as opposed to, okay, well, can I be successful, but also be gentle and soft? And see the power in that grace as well?
Girl, you are yes, absolutely. Speaking to my entire transformation. In fact, we just did on a business retreat. And part of it we were bringing awareness to what has driven us up until this point, and you know, what's driven, what's going to drive us moving forward and our achievements and all those types of things, and everything up until, you know, my awakening, I like to call it you know, like my experience of transformation, everything up until I first experienced coaching is exactly right. And been driven by fear. Afraid of everything a failure, afraid I wasn't gonna have enough money, afraid of divorce, afraid of this, even like, you know, I'm an athletic person. And I have always been super athletic. I played a ton of sports growing up.
And even I realized, like, I had a, and I've never been overweight, but I had a ton of body image issues, you know because that was even fear-based sometimes. So it's just so interesting. And I'm glad that you brought light to that. So my Darlene, I want to respect your time, because I know we're over. How can everyone find you listen, for all of you listening, if you've never done it before, and you want to give yourself a gift, it's one of the most beautiful gifts you can give yourself. I am probably very typical of a Sagittarius, but I'm probably going to do it every year on my birthday, which is probably what Sagittarians do.
Yes, they want to know, right? Suraj wants to know,
that's so funny. But um, I just I and if you're looking for someone, I remember having this conversation with a girlfriend of mine a long time ago, and I told her what you had shared what you have shared with me and what I had learned when I did that reading. She's like, Wait, you're into that? Who did it for you? I'd love to know more. And a lot of people want to know like, but can I trust the person and I just couldn't recommend me anymore you know? So if you're interested in doing this for yourself and giving yourself this gift your you want a recommendation? I mean, obviously wouldn't run around if I didn't trust her. Maybe how can people find you?
Yes, you can find me on my website. It's called www.igzolted.comI used to have a social media account but long story short Instagram shut down my account. I lost my account. It's okay, I'm rebuilding. And but the My website is the easiest way to find me. There's a form you can contact me and email me if you have any questions. I'm happy to answer before you commit.
Awesome Yeah, I'll and I'll put the link to your website in the show notes. Thank you so much for creating this time I always love you now, connecting with you, and being in community with you. And especially during our full moon time where it's like party time. No wonder I'm so effusive all the time. I'm always abusive, but especially now.
No, this has been a great session. Thank you so much for having me and I'll see you around. Yeah. Bye,
Mama. Bye, everyone. Hope you enjoyed the episode today. It is.
Hey, if you love what you're learning, then you've got to check out my free Ultimate Guide to stop people pleasing, where I teach you a simple five-step process to stop saying yes. When you really want to say No, you'll be so glad that you did. There's a link to the guide in the show notes. I'll see you next time.