The Fastest Way to Get Results, with Dr. Sowmya
August 25, 2022
Episode #65: The Fastest Way to Get Results, with Dr. Sowmya
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About the Episode:
On this week's podcast, I'm introducing you to my client, Dr. Sowmya.
Sowmya's an incredibly optimistic and successful female physician.
She came to me with one request. Could I help her unjumble her thoughts and create more mental clarity?
You see, like many female physicians, Sowmya wears a lot of hats.
She's a mom, a wife, a daughter, and a physician leader. When we first met, she had many big decisions coming up: a potential new job, a big move, relocating her entire family (including her parents), which (unsurprisingly) was leading to mental drama.
She had always figured things out on her own and like many females, felt guilty about investing in herself.
But, she realized one fundamental truth: time was her most valuable resource. She realized that she didn't want to spend a lot of time trying to figure it all out on her own. Instead, she wanted the fastest, most efficient and most effective way to make her decisions, unjumble her thoughts, and create more mental brain space for the things that mattered most, like spending time with her kids.
So, for the first time in her life, she invested in herself, and couldn't be happier with her return on investment.
Because, just like a fellowship fast tracks you in your career, coaching fast tracks you in your life. Instead of taking years to make the changes you wanted, coaching gets you there in weeks.
Sowmya was definitely able to create the mental clarity she wanted within weeks of coaching together. But, that’s not even the best part of her experience. The best part, and what may shock you the most, were the other profound transformations and unexpected benefits of coaching.
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Coaching for Latina Leaders
About the Podcast
Leadership ability is equally distributed but opportunity to lead is not. This podcast is for all women, those that identify as leaders and those that don't, yet. You'll learn how to let go of guilt and self-doubt so you can show up with confidence everywhere you go. No more questioning if your idea is good enough to share, if it's worth it to speak up, or if you're a good enough leader. All that self-critical B.S. stops now. Listen in as masterful educator and Harvard grad physician, Dr. Vanessa Calderón, teaches you how to let go of the things standing in the way of your success as a leader. Get ready, this podcast will accelerate your personal and professional growth.
Dr. Vanessa Calderón, MD, MPP has over 20 years of leadership experience. She is a Harvard grad, ER physician, Life and Leadership coach, and a mother of 2. She's a first generation Latina and is dedicated to uplifting her community. She's the founder of the Latina Leadership Accelerator, where she uses education and coaching to support the personal and professional development of women at all stages of their lives and careers.
Is a 12-week Life and Executive Coaching program that will help you execute at a higher level, thrive in all areas of your life, and improve your self-compassion. You'll be able to:
• Improve your productivity by 60%
• 10X your Emotional Intelligence
• Have more time for the people you love
• Cultivate an unwavering sense of self-compassion
The next cohort starts in Fall 2022. Learn more and join the waitlist here.
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Full Episode Transcript:
Full Transcript Here
65. The Fastest Way to Get Results with Dr. Sowmya
Welcome to coaching for Latina leaders, the only podcast dedicated to the advancement of Latinas at every level of life with your host Dr. Vanessa Calderon, a Latina with over 20 years of leadership experience, Harvard grad physician, and mother of two.
Hi friends, I have a very special announcement for all of you. This month we're reopening the doors to my signature coaching program The Life and Leadership accelerator. The accelerator is the only evidence-based coaching program created exclusively for female physicians of color. It's an incredible all-inclusive 12-week program. You get everything you get coaching, teaching, healing, you get CME, and you also get an amazing community of other female physicians of color that care about your success just as much as you do. In the accelerator, you're going to learn how to unjumble your brain get unstuck. So you have mental clarity, you're more focused and confident, and you're going to learn how to master your emotions and stop feeling unnecessary guilt and overwhelm. Plus, you'll learn how to set boundaries and say no to things without disappointing others, you're gonna learn how to get organized and have full control over your schedule. No more running around with a never-ending to-do list that leaves you exhausted at the end of the day.
Your calendar and what you spend time on will finally reflect your priorities. And you're going to learn actual mindfulness tools that work so you can be more calm and centered and less stressed and overwhelmed. Listen, friends, mindfulness, and self-compassion are my jam. I have advanced degrees and training in this stuff. In fact, I'm the National resiliency expert for large physician organizations. And I got my compassion fatigue education from the guy who invented the term compassionate fatigue. So the tools I teach are solid. And lastly, I use my 20 years of leadership experience to teach you all the nuts and bolts of transformational leadership. You'll learn how to get promoted and be seen without overworking how to speak up confidently how to deliver stellar onpoint presentations like you're delivering a TED talk, how to negotiate so you'll always create wins, and so many other good things. Okay, so this is the last time the program is going to be available this year. And I really don't want you to miss out so you can go to my website right now, to learn more and join us at VanessaCalderonmd.com/join. That's VanessaCalderonmd.com/join and join us for the Fall cohort. It starts on September 6. Okay, my friends, I am so excited about what's possible for you when you join us in the accelerator. Gets me all giddy inside. doors closed on August 30. So make sure you check us out VanessaCalderonmd.com/join before then. Alright, enough gushing on to this week's podcast.
Hey, friends. So this is our last episode in this series of the transformative experience of coaching. And this week, you get to meet my client, Dr. Sowmya. So Sowmya is this incredibly optimistic and successful female physician, you're going to hear her optimism in her voice when you listen to the episode. And she came to me with just one request. Could I help her unjumble her brain? She said she had a lot of thoughts in her brain and she wanted more mental clarity. You see, like many of you listening Sowmya, were a lot of hats. She's a mom, a wife, a daughter, a physician, and the leader of her department. And when we first met, she had a lot of big decisions that were coming up for her she had a potential new job, and a big move relocating her entire family, which unsurprisingly was leading to a lot of mental drama. And she had always figured things out on her own in her life, you know, and she felt really guilty like most women about investing in herself, but she realized that one of her most valuable resources was time.
And what she wanted was a really fast, efficient, and effective way to make her decisions. She wanted a fast and efficient way to create that mental clarity and create more brilliant brain space for the things that mattered most to her like spending time with her kids. So she decided to invest in coaching. Because just the way a fellowship or fast track your career, like five years, coaching fast tracks you in your life. So instead of taking years to make the changes you want, coaching gets you there in weeks, and Sowmya definitely got the mental clarity she wanted and she got it in a really fast and efficient way. But the best part of her story wasn't the fact that she was able to create that mental clarity. It was all of the other unintended benefits that she got through coaching and they're really profound and beautiful. And she says it in such a great way so I'll let her share her experience. All right, enjoy the episode.
Okay, girlfriend, I am so happy Good to have you here. Can you first just start by telling me why you were initially interested in coaching?
Why was I initially interested in coaching? That's such an interesting question. I had not really invested in myself. But I had been thinking for some time, there's so much in my head right now, there's so much in my life right now. That I feel like I need to untangle this tangled web in my head. And when I saw you, your content on social media, actually, and I knew you from back in the day in medical school, and I was like, he's always been this smart, capable leader. I feel like let's try it out. If I'm going to try this with anyone, I'll try with someone who might, who might trust and respect me as a professional. Right? And we'll see. And yeah, that's, that's how I started.
And what was the initial problem that you wanted to solve? Did you have one thing? Or was it just kind of everything?
It was, it was a lot of different things. I just felt like the amount of time I was, it was, it feels like a jumble is the best description of this. There's a lot going on in my head. And I felt like there was like mental drama beyond just what the decisions I was trying to make. I was really contemplating a lot of big life
decisions, things involving a job where I'm raising my family moves, priorities, values, relationships with my family, all kinds of stuff, things that I just, I think I just wanted to uplevel my life a bit. And felt like I was just getting through the days, right, as I have so much going on, legitimately right? Working full time having two young children and a lot of things and people I'm responsible for, I was getting through everything. But it just felt like there was all this extra stuff I wanted to think about. And it was causing me more stress and overwhelm. And I thought if I could approach things a different way, maybe clearer, that might help me clear my mind a little bit that it would help. So again, it was just a lot in my head that was causing me I guess, stress, stress. And overwhelm is probably the best description of it that I wanted to try something different.
Yeah, totally. So what was your main concern? Like? Did you have like two to three main concerns that would have prevented you from investing in coaching? Yes.
A couple of things. So to be fair, I wasn't the kind of person who had done therapy before I hadn't really, I wasn't sort of you know, journaling meditation type. I wasn't the person who just had everything handled it. I mean, like most of my life, I've been in charge of things, I have been able to handle it all. And so I just cost, right, so all of the things I felt a little bit of guilt. I mean, what's funny is if I, if you told me that, like, hire my credit coach, I'd probably do it in five seconds without thinking about it. But that same thing I do, I just didn't translate that to myself, I, I just hadn't invested in myself in that way. So all of it, there were a lot of things that made me really pause and think about whether I wanted to make that investment cuz that's how I was I was seeing it right. Like I was thinking, this has the potential to help me sort things out. Do I want to spend the time and energy money on it now? And then I realized, like, Hey, I have a lot to gain and very, you know, other than the money and time part, little to lose, and I could really, you know, make a lot of positive changes. Let's try it. So that's what I eventually decided.
Okay, so you mentioned you had some hesitations about investing in yourself. What do you think helped you put those fears to rest? Yeah.
I think even after my first coaching call, I felt a lot better. I was like, Okay, I think this is a wise decision. Because it just really helped to have someone objective. Listen, someone who wasn't judging me can have like, a really good friend, but who says helpful things all the time and, and, and again, with no judgment, and it's not necessarily trying to tell you what to do, but help you figure out what to do.
Wow, Sowmya, that was really beautifully said. So now that you've experienced coaching for yourself, would you recommend it to others?
Yeah, I definitely would. I think that coaching has helped me see things in my own life. Do Currently, and honestly, just kind of remove some of the judgment and drama in my head. And these are interestingly not necessarily things that I even realized I had. So I think probably if you're a person who I think the best signals to you that you may want to do something like this is if you're feeling emotions, like guilt, overwhelm, shame, stress, I think these are some signals to your own body, that there are some things you might want to work on, right, because these don't have to be part of your story. These don't have to be emotions that you experience. But with our busy modern lives with tons of inputs as the things going on, I think we almost think it's part and parcel of being really like, you know, busy people, people with a lot of things going on. And I guess I just kind of accepted that as normal. And I didn't give myself the time, or I wasn't a person who just like, naturally was super introspective. And so what this helped me do is it helped me come up with sort of new tools, new ways of looking at my own situation differently. And change some of my thoughts identifying some the thoughts that were limiting to me. And, yeah, I mean, it's not like voodoo magic, it's not, it's not crazy stuff. It's not.
It's just a different way of thinking sometimes, but also shining light on your own thoughts, right, it's just like translates on, on patterns of thinking things that I've just accepted to be true because I thought them so long, and helping me think of new thoughts that serve me. And interestingly, like I didn't, you know, this isn't necessarily the first time I came to this work, I've been listening to this type of stuff on podcasts, I do love a good self-improvement type of content. To be honest, it wasn't really reading books, but I do like a lot of podcasts, and I and heard some of these ideas and thoughts before, but it was really different to do it in an active process, right, it's very different to the kind of consuming content. And I think that helps, I think it helps you put you in kind of a pre contemplative stage of change. But for me to actually make changes, it was really helpful to have this additional support. And yeah, I think it's really benefited me. So I would say, if you're thinking of investing yourself, it's a really great investment to make.
Wow, that was also. So would you see anything different like your best friend, for example, if they're thinking of investing in coaching, or they're nervous about it, or you're talking about your benefits to them? Would you say anything different to them?
No, it's I really wouldn't, it really helps. Because I think it's funny because people in your life are not exactly walking the same path as you and they're not on the same emotional journey, right? And it's not fair to expect them to be that great. So I'm close to all sorts of family members and friends, and we're all on our own personal paths. And so I think it's sometimes it's really hard, you want to you might be wanting to talk about something, and some of the time, you might find someone who can talk to you about that. And other times, you can't, or sometimes, you know, that person might show up in a supportive manner, sometimes they might be trying to sort of argue or correct you, I don't know, it's just, you can't necessarily expect everyone to be on the exact same path as you. So I think it's helpful to have someone else external to your situation, who's objectively a coach because their agenda is only to help you right.
And so it's just as very, very stress-free way to be on your own path to figuring out you know, like how to better yourself, and whatever you're working on at the moment, in a very efficient way. Maybe efficiency is the right word to say this, I'm not saying could never have gotten to this point consuming
sort of more passive content, but I think I would not have done it with this pace. And how fast I've been able to make changes. And I like to think of it as kind of like a reinvention, or transformation in my life. And I think it would just be a lot slower without a coach. So I'm pleased with my progress and pleased with the investment I've made.
Yeah, that's really, really awesome. And I just want to highlight something you said that I found so interesting. What I've come to learn and see happen over and over again, with coaching is that smart, capable people just like you, for example, who could and would eventually just figure everything out, you know, the difference is, you know, just how much faster you get there with coaching. Because without coaching, it's so much trial and error. It's figuring trying something out, it doesn't work trying it out for a few months or a year maybe, and it doesn't work and what would take you a few years to sort of sort through you get there in just a few short weeks or months. And I think just the fact that it's so much more effective is so powerful. I think that's why coaching is just so transformative. Okay, So let's shift a little bit. I'd love to hear more about the results that you've gotten through coaching. What do you think are the three biggest benefits that you've had from coaching together?
Yes. So three biggest benefits. I think that one of the most important benefits is a little bit of reframing of short-term discomfort as neuroplasticity and action or like, you know, like, it's not like something goes wrong, if something doesn't immediately feel it changes and immediately feels good, right? Because things that feel good are things that we've practiced a lot, and they may not have been ways that served us. So like, that might sound funny, or like, why is that a benefit, it doesn't sound very pleasant. But the point is that as the positive changes I've made have taken work, I no longer shy away from that work, I kind of embrace it, because I know it's leaving something better. So I think that is a is a real benefit.
The second benefit is finding new thoughts that serve me like again, some of these things I didn't even realize I have. And it's really helped me with my just like relationships, my data, just the experience of my life and certain aspects, right? Like, again, I wasn't having a bad experience consistently, I'm a pretty optimistic person, I really, like love life and enjoy a lot of things. But there were still areas of my life that were causing me stress. And when I changed things about how I thought about this, those areas really caused me a lot less stress now.
And then, the third thing is actually a lot less guilt, that was a feeling that used to come up a lot for me. I have a lot of like perfectionist tendencies and all sorts of things that like guilt is something that again, did I ever feel optional, for some reason, I would, I would feel that pretty often. And I think in doing this work, that is something I feel a lot less of, and I have to say I don't miss it. So is, it's a nice bonus. So those are just the three that obviously come up. But I'm doing a lot of work and a lot of areas. So I'm just seeing a lot of benefits, I feel like my mind is less of a jumble of thoughts. And I am guilt free investing in like caring for myself a little bit more and trying to incorporate that self-care element. I think that I'm showing up a little bit more present. And, you know, with my kiddos, and there's like areas that have been working on and so yeah, even if you work on changes in one part of your life, they inevitably creep into other parts of your lives, right? It's very hard to say like, I'm going to coach on this one thing, and it would only help this area. That's unlikely to be true. Because you often recognize thought patterns you have and how many ways it shows up. And so I think that when I've invested the time in figuring something out and doing all the hard work. And that's in a session and outside of a session, right? I've seen I reaped the benefits and a lot of areas of my life.
So Sowmya, thanks so much the answers you have been giving have been so beautifully saying and I think are going to be really supportive to people listening that have never experienced coaching before. Do you mind sharing what your life was like before we started working together and how you experience your life now?
Yeah, sure. I am really blessed to have a very fortunate life. I have a job I really love. I work full-time as a physician, physician, and leader. And I have two little young children at home. I recently moved my parents out to live near me. So I have this awesome multi-generational family. It's really busy. I have a lot of interest in my life. I haven't necessarily made time for in the past few years, like a musician and I have put a lot of stuff on the back burner, right, just kind of focusing on work and kids. And I really wanted to spend more time on my personal health, both physical and mental and spiritual health. And just kind of, you know, improving myself a leveling up. And I think that after coaching, I feel like I have a little bit more time. It's really interesting.
I feel like some of my brain space has been freed up to make a little bit more time for myself time that I'm still doing the same things in my day. But I feel less stressed about it and a little bit less overwhelmed. And I'm using my time a bit better. So I used to be in these cycles of like, you know, super crazy day at work, come home want to spend time with people maybe not spend the quality time I want because my mind is still elsewhere and then I would feel guilt over it which would then make me feel stressed which would then make me repeat the cycle and that kind of thing was going on a lot. So and I think this is probably not unfamiliar to people. We're all busy. But yeah, I I think that the thought of like busyness is Honestly, I thought, and I feel a little bit less busy, like I'm not objectively less busy, but in my mind, I feel less busy and I have a little bit more time to match my priorities to what I do.
Girl, yes, it's amazing how much more focused and present you can be when you clear up your brain space, you get rid of stuff like guilt and stress, and all of a sudden, you have more time to be more present, or do the things that you know, once brought you joy, it's really, really awesome to hear. So tell me what surprised you the most about working together?
I think I think you've been so are really a student of human behavior and really, really know your stuff. I have to say that, because I think you're not probably not just bringing in coaching training, you're probably bringing like decades of other experiences. And I think that's, that really shows up and because it never feels like you're kinds of just like giving me some algorithmic coach answer or something, I'd be like you're observing, and in a very non-judgmental way, helping me see what are, again, sort of thoughts and behaviors that serve me. And that's theories that don't. And what's really cool, and I really appreciate this, is there's a tendency they have that you also call out and celebrate. And like, we don't, we don't make it seem like it's a problem. Like, I'm kind of over prepared to type a certain person, like I like to, I like to have everything, you know, planned for everyone. And it is something my friends and family appreciate about me. And it does, you know, but it does always cause me some stress because I tried to do this in so many areas of my life. But again, like I use that as an example because it's not a problem. Do you know what I mean? Like you sort of say like, this is you and that's, that's great. Like, that's not necessarily the problem.
It may be some of the, you know, thoughts and actions, some of the other things that come as a result of that are trying to do that perfectly, or stressing myself about it. That's the problem, right? It's like, we have these natural tendencies. And that's fine. And I say that because I feel like when I passively listen to content, about self-improvement, or coaching, sometimes it's easy to turn those models against yourself, or kind of like use them against yourself to think that the way you think should be changed or that like everything needs to be changed. And that's not necessarily the case, right? It's not like all of the thoughts that we have or don't work for us some set, do some sit-down. But sometimes it's really hard to even notice when you have judgment, and you have guilt or shame, you just kind of helped me like unwrap, I think it's like peeling the layers of an onion or like something with a lot of complicated layers. It's like you help sort of shine a light and take off a few minutes so that I can see what the problem is and then tackle it. And so I really appreciate that.
And it's helped me a lot. beautifully said girlfriend, what, what do you think was one of the things that you've learned so far and working together that's helped you the most or anything that you feel has been like a really big game changer?
Yeah, I think the biggest game changer was my understanding of some might own emotions, especially negative emotions. So I have to say, one of my favorite things about myself is that I am an optimist, and I'm like kind of at least in problem-solving mode. And I really enjoy that, like I have a good time in life in general. But I didn't realize kind of like how profoundly I respond to disappointment and certain feelings, right? And like those and again, I'm not gonna say things are perfect, I've had issues with weight and I think a lot of these behaviors are over-learned behaviors around you know, I think a lot of my weight issues actually stemmed in, in medical training, which really stressful and you learn some coping mechanisms that may not serve you when is that like I, I unwrap my own story or kind of looked back at my own story and recognize that patterns of like, when I feel disappointment, that is a trigger for me to maybe take actions that don't, that isn't as great for me, right? Or like overeat or do these things. And again, and it's not just that, right, I'm noticing that pattern in all aspects of my life.
And it's been really helpful again, to shine a light and name something, naming some things where it takes away its power a little bit. So it's just been really helpful to recognize that Okay, that's it. That's a really big emotion for me, like when I feel disappointed in myself. When I feel disappointed in someone else. These are all times that I then sort of the next thing I do doesn't seem like it's the greatest thing for me, but I'm not doing it on purpose. It's just sort of my coping, and it's protected. I think it probably like feels protective to me. And so kind of I feel like doing this coaching work has been kind of like looking
back at my story identify and looking at it a little differently, right? Maybe not the story pulled in my head, but sort of looking back at it again and identifying those points. And it almost like kind of explains why I might have done what I did. And but with compassion, like it's not really a judgment, there's no point in looking backward at the judgment, but it helps me then make different decisions for the future and do things that are better for me because of my goals and my hopes are in my later 30s. And I'm hoping that my, you know, by the time I'm 40, I'm like, my new best self. That's my goal. And part of all of this is that journey, I want to be like, physically, mentally, at my best. And I think that's really exciting, right? Like, sometimes we always feel like we're past our prime, but I really want to think about reinvention.
And that's actually why I invested in this, I was like, Alright if I want to do something different, I need to think differently. And if I want to prioritize, like health, fitness, weight, mental peace, like being super present with my kids, like all these positive things that I want for myself, I need to think differently. And this was just the tool and way I went about that. And it's been really effective. Awesome.
Tell me what you're the most proud of, of overcoming.
I think that the thing I'm most proud of working together is, that I feel like I'm getting closer and closer to spending my time matching my values. That has really been a struggle, I think work is something that I've invested so much of myself in, I feel a real purpose in helping the patients that I do, and I feel that I've made really big changes in the areas that I've worked in, and for the positive that really affect a lot of people. And so I take a lot of pride in that. And it's something I studied for a really long time. But moving forward, I don't want my entire life to be only about work right I have these beautiful children, and there's a lot to my story. I'm obviously not saying there's an illness and health stuff and cancer and childbirth, trauma, and all sorts of stuff. But you know what I mean? Like there's, there have been things that have happened that make me want to, you know, say, Hey, maybe I should shift my time that I'm really not spending so much of my time at work. It's not just time, but like mental energy at work, I really want to make sure that I save enough of that for my family.
And this is the new part. Also for myself, I really didn't put that into the equation too much. But the older I get, I do realize that that's really important. When when I feel more energetic antenna filled up in my head when you see like a cup metaphor beaten me when I feel more filled up, I just show up more present. And they're not getting like a drained tired work version of me, they're getting, like a really good version of me which they deserve. Because they're my kids are amazing humans. And so I think that the part that I have gained so much from this work is I think I'm inching closer to my goal of being my best in the next few years. And I really feel like when I'm, when I'm home now, I am being more present and being more present with my children. And, and things are different. And there it is, it does feel uncomfortable when changes happen that kind of speaks with one of my points I made earlier about like, what is what you've done a lot feels comfortable. And sometimes what's new doesn't but again, it's not bad, uncomfortable. It's just, it's just different, right? Like, it's, it's different to say, Okay, I'm not going to overwork I'm not gonna, like, do these things that, they're my old patterns. But instead, I'm going to invest that time in different ways that really like bring you value. So I just think I've made a lot of big priority shifts that I'm really proud of. And still working through one of
our coaching calls. I don't know if you feel comfortable talking about this, but you had mentioned how the work we've done has rippled out in so many areas of your life, how people have just noticed how you're different but also have been asking you, you know, like the language you've learned in coaching you've been using with your patients, for example, or you've been teaching leadership and wellness to people you work with. Can you speak?
Absolutely. So yeah, it's been really interesting. Like others have also noticed, my, my, my transformation a bit, I definitely feel this is super relevant to my patients. I have to say, the type of work I do I take care of a lot of people who have caregivers, and they are often overwhelmed, experiencing disappointment, feel stressed and shame, like all of the things that all of us who, you know, provide care to others feel. It's kind of inevitable. There's so much happening, right? You're managing more than yourself. And so I worked with caregivers and I have been able to use the language and the tools I've learned in my professional work and they've responded so beautifully and have been so thankful.
They're always like I think they've just never had a doctor who sort of heard them this way or responded in this way. It's just really different. And so yeah, they're very kind, very complimentary, and, frankly, very attached to me and want to keep talking to me. So it's really, it's just really, it's really interesting. But I found it to be very directly correlative in so many ways. So in my professional life, as a physician, but also like people as sort of mentor, like more junior people, I find it to be really helpful. I think it's helped my leadership, my personal relationships as well at work. It's just that you know, what, have some different frameworks on how to handle that I have that could otherwise lead to conflict, or they could not.
And, you know, can change things. And so one of those things is I got this compliment recently, that just really resonated with me. And I was just so grateful. One of my friends in person, whom I mentor and supervise said, do you read a lot of leadership books? And I said, Well, I have back in the day, and she said, You're the only person I've ever met who, who I really think does all of those things. And I thought that was so kind and impactful. And just much appreciate it. So yeah, I think that it's so cool to be on a journey where you feel like you're really improving. And it's always nice to others also take note and benefit from that. Because it's a ripple effect.
Yes, I absolutely agree with you the tools you learn through coaching, they don't just impact you, but they have a real ripple effect and impact everyone around us. For me, example, my kids talk about self-love all the time. And I'll see my eight-year-old get really frustrated. And instead of reacting with her frustration, she now takes long, slow, deep breaths and calms herself down before reacting without any intervention from me or my husband. It's really impressive. And you know, that's not even to say all of the effects that my patients have had.
In fact, I had one patient who came into the emergency department with just a ton of fear, she was developing what she thought was a rash on her face, but turned out she also had a history of anxiety and panic attacks. And she was just really anxious. And when I helped resolve, you know, those issues and calm her down, she ended up googling me and found me online, found my podcast, and now follows it left me a really beautiful testimonial on my podcast, which is hilarious. But that's the power of these tools, you know, the fact that we can just pass them on to everybody around us whether we try or not because it changes our ways of being. I'm curious now, about how you think that you show up differently with your husband and your kids.
I think dropping these feelings of sort of guilt about not being Thai, not having enough time is really, really helpful, right? It's not just time that makes quality, you could spend all day and if you're on your phone, or like planning things, it's not good quality time. And I intellectually knew that. But I think I'm just more aware of that and just trying to make, I'm just trying to make the time I have quality time. I'm also trying to drop judgments towards myself about like, what parenting should look like. Or I had, I had a very awesome family and mom and dad who are. They're always in the teaching profession, right? And it's different than the choices I have made.
But they had schedules that were more like my, in essence, students, they were physically around a lot. And I was so blessed to have that childhood. And I think sometimes I hold myself to that same standard, even though I have a totally different circumstance. And again, I've even noticed those types of judgments were there. I didn't realize those comparisons were there. Right that I was I was feeling guilt and shame over comparing myself to a different situation than was now. And again, it's not like my children are doing that they don't know these things. It was just all it was all things I was doing. But then they were affecting how I was showing up.
So yeah, I do think that I've worked a lot on that. And I'm it's like the quality of interactions, right, more than the number of interactions, I think they've changed and again, just it's almost like, I've closed a lot of tabs like you know when you have like a ton of tabs open on your browser. I don't know if everybody does this, but I tend to do this a lot. I feel like I've closed some tabs. So it's like free to space. So I just there's like a little less going on in my head. So when I'm somewhere I think I'm just a bit more present and focused. And yeah, it's been great.
Do you have any last words or comments or anything you haven't said that you want to share? This one? I
acknowledge that it is it's hard to decide whether you feel like you need coaching. It's gonna say it's funny because I think I was initially kind of equating it to therapy or I was not about the differences here, you know, and I had not really done that either. And I had, I don't know, I just had a lot of things I didn't understand about it. But I think what I would say now, as someone who's not had coaching is it's just a really effective way to sort out your own thinking, right? I think it's like, a very efficient way, efficient and effective way to sort out your own thoughts, to figure out how to kind of level up your own thinking and let go of stuff that's not useful. And I think, again, everyone's probably different about what those are. But for me, those were things like, perfectionism, guilt, shame, and judgment, just like things I didn't even notice were there because they've been there for so long. And just felt like normal thoughts. And then now, like, as I keep saying this thing about freeing up brain space, that's honestly how I feel. And yeah, and I think it's really lovely. So if that's something that you are interested in, right, just in like, I think it's worth giving it a shot, right, you only have very little to lose, but a whole lot to gain that will stay with you. Right? It's even if you coach on one topic, it's very likely that those the dark patterns you've shined the light on are now going to even identify them in other parts of your life, they're going to show up in other parts of your life, and then you're going to be able to make changes in those parts as well. So I think it's a worthwhile investment. And just happy to share my experience.
Well, Sowmya, thank you so much for sharing your experience. I agree with you that if you've never experienced coaching, it's really hard to understand just how truly impactful it can be. I know for me, I didn't fully understand it. And because of that, I was even a bit resistant to the idea of initially trying coaching now. But as you know, and I've shared a lot on this podcast, coaching transformed my entire life, my relationship with my kids, my husband, my parents, with work with everything, which is now why I've dedicated all of my life to passing these tools on to others. So thank you again for being so willing to share your experience with our audience. I know they'll find it tremendously helpful. All right, everyone has a wonderful week as Ella Proxima with your
Hey, friends, you know, all those times when you wanted to say no, but you felt guilty? Well, I created a free guide just for you. It's the ultimate five-step guide to stop people pleasing, where I teach you how to say no guilt-free. Plus, you'll be added to my mailing list, and that's where all the magic happens. You'll have access to my free resources, training, and weekly notes of inspiration. You've got to check it out. There's a link in the show notes. All right, see you next week. Adios. Bye